Lie-za gives out 2012 Ah-wards

Happy New Year to all! One person who refuses to ‘Be Happy’ is Lie-Za. Somebody in Guv-ah-mint set her up, dey told her dat her name was among those dat went up to Queen Elizabeth foh New Year’s On-Her, but word got to Queen Betty dat she voted in de Riff-around-dem and say “Yes” we don’t want “No” Queen. Lie-Za is not bad-minded, she spoke highly of all who got On-her. Ah think she got ah crush on Pam-pee, he reminds her of his far-dah, James, from de old order ah Public Servant, tight-lip, reliable and can-feed-in-shell.{{more}} Knee-cold is ah bright, young and up-coming P.S. she says. De Cadet Force says it foh D’white Low-waiste.

DPP, Colin de-serve sum-ting foh all dem ‘no-lip-lust’, but good foh Judith and, Her-man more lucky dan de Turtle Man, Brother King at de Sang-to-weary in Bequia. Murray will receive ah long over-due Ah-ward on behalf of his ancestors, de original proprietors of “de Had-ah-way Family Stores.” Ah die-nasty dat was headed by Murray’s dad, Reynold and his nieces, de progressive Had-ah-way sisters: Amy, Ida, Clarice, Pearl and de lone survivor Edna who, dominated de textile and clothing business in Middle Street during de 1950’s to 1980’s.

Lie-Za of course, is questioning de PM’s logic and asking about people like Blondie Bird or Pill-ling Pollard of Vincy Mas; No Errol Sutherland foh de development of Pan foh over 50 years, dat is ah Crime against Pan Ah-ward; No mention of Chorale soon to celebrate its 60th Anniversary.

When she said No Adrian Bailey, ah asked her about Brian Alexander of de band Touch. “Brian gets de Face Book ‘Hands-ah-kin Ah-ward’ foh good name.” She has an Ah-ward foh Hands-ah-kin but will announce it only when he is away and can’t retaliate immediately.

“Anything foh Sir James foh his Cocoa project ?” Is like she was waiting foh me: “Give Sir James his due, de Cadbury/Nestle Ah-ward; but Gonsalves continues to turn ah Deaf ears on de IMF wid three consecutive years ah de-fist-hit budget, foh dat he gets de “Deaf-is-it Ah-ward,”

And de Tie-One-Knees gets de “Child Well-fare Ah-ward” foh adopting SVG, paying all our bills and bailing us out ah delinquency everytime.

She literally cried foh Joel Butcher and his giving him “Lucky Seven Ah-ward”. Seven years ago, when Butcher did de Marathon seven days walk wid Ole George, Guv-ah-mint did promise him ah house in appreciation, but it all ended when dey discovered dat Butcher was not flying ULP flag. To date not a block was laid. However she’s hopeful because King Solomon who succeeded King David, took Seven Years to build de Lord’s Temple; so de house dat was promised Joel Butcher must be done in year seven.

Agriculture mainly Bananas, would have taken its wuss beating in decades, Minister Gum-ree has openly accepted responsibility but not de blame. In ah similar tone when farmers called on him “to go,” his reply was he know way “he come from,” dat he didn’t come wid de shackles (Africans) or de indentured (East Indians). So Lie-Za is giving him de Ah-ward “foh not knowing, dat he does not know dat, he does not know way he come from.”

She began to quiz me about “Fen Slip” ah ting we uses to say when we pitching marbles and miss de target, we would say de marble slip out we fingers and claim ah replay. ” Ahhhh!” she said. “Dat is de Ah-ward ah got foh L-son de PM’s media consultant.” De Guerrilla War Medal goes to Matthew Thomas foh Staying Awake on Monday Nights. And Burns foh fighting ah robber and defended his Gold Chain gets de “Golden Age Ah-ward.”

Do yuh have anyting lef foh de Speaker ah de House?” ah asked. “De Go-see Go-see Gang-dah Ah-ward” she said, as in Go-see go-see gang-dah, way shall I wonder, upstairs and down-stairs, in de Speakers Chamber, dey I heard ah tumbling wid men who couldn’t say dey prayers, ah pull dem by dey lef leg, and toss dem down de stairs.”

She does have ah few more but dey too offensive, like Addiction Ah-ward foh Bug-in. Disturbed, ah asked her Addicted to what.

“Listen carefully to my fun-etics ,” she said “Awe-dich-shun.”

She gone too far, and is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.