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My fair wedding


Ah want to wish Ferne Cato belated but still “Happy 60th Birthday” and ah won’t miss de 70th foh nothing. Yuh notice how ah give out Ferne’s age? Is not every and every woman age yuh could write up in papers and yuh ain’t get cuss off. But Ferne is different. She luv dat. Yuh see, she know she could pass foh thirty, dat’s years not size: no grey hair, no wrinkle, well none visible, looking as young as or even younger dan her daughters.{{more}}

Ferne and her Mom, Granny Rose does have nice parties. When ah got Ferne’s invitation, ah did done buy ah new shirt wid matching tie foh Toya De Roche’s wedding on Sat-dey; fancy me in collar and tie.

She is now Mrs Chris John, according to Lie-Za, Toya has found herself ah Diamond, Chris is de son of Lie-Za’s classmate, Stephen Diamond.

Everybody was seated by 2:45 p.m at St Mary’s Church because dat’s de time Toya say to get dey, and judging from how she does Bad-John “dem children” when come to time, ah mek sure ah was early.

Ah mention “dem children”, yes she is ah Sang-shun GHS Teacher and Girl Guide District Commissioner. She makes Guiding lots ah fun foh de lasses, plus she is one ah dem ole time teacher who tek ah personal interest in de students, one who monitors her “No 11 Girls” and don’t hesitate to sermons parents to a meeting when de girls wrinching; typical of her Grand-mother, de late Sister De Roche our District Nurse and Mid-wife.

Was Toya sorry, Mrs John, who at ah GHS Parent-Teacher Conference, earlier this year, provided parents with handouts from CXC that warned all parents and Form 4 students present, bout de CXC “Zero Tolerance for Cell Phones”. Ah don’t expect de PM to leave his busy schedule, way he looking out foh de nation’s 30,000 students, to attend ah PTA meeting, but most children have two parents or responsible guardians. So when he say dat neither he nor his wife nor his daughter knew about de No Cell-phone (Un-sang-shun) Rule, is either nobody foh he ever attend PTA meeting, or he simply Lie as he say he does, some-times. Every Parent will tell yuh dat de hottest subject at every, ah repeat every, GHS PTA meeting, is Cell-phone violations. Sang-shun or Un-Sang-shun, dat is de Rule and not only at GHS. Rule No 1 is “No Cell-Phone in school!” De Zero is to prepare de kids foh CXC Rules; Utter Sam in his letter to de Press, explained quite well, de implications of having ah Cell-phone in an Exams. So is ah one strike yuh out foh Zero! In my day at school, yuh think ah could ah go home and tell Granny “Me cell-phone ring during de Exams and teacher gave me Zero”. Granny was not interested in de Zero part, de fuss thing she was going to ask me was: “What yuh was doing wid Cell-phone in School?”

Yuh see ah didn’t have ah Spoil B’Rat foh ah Granny, to run home crying to when ah broke de Rules.

But Granny was ah Preacher and knew dat “Disobedience was man’s first sin”! Ole people say Satan can’t correct Sin and too many of us does behave like Satan when de Rules don’t suit us. “Order is Heaven’s first Law. Disobedience breathes disorder!” We are ah people who brush aside like nothing, de simple, likcle Rules like: “No Trespassing! No Littering! No Smoking! No Parking! No Speeding etc” not realizing dat as simple as it seems, dis is like de foundation towards de building of ah clean and disciplined society.

We have more serious problems in de Eddy-care-shun Rev-all-yuh-shun dan ah Child getting Zero foh having ah Cell-phone ringing in an Exam. We do not expect any reshuffling ah teachers at de GHS, how Nah-eve.

So we stand in support ah Andrea Keizer-Bowman and her Teachers!


Toya and her wedding planners could put world famous wedding planner, David Tutera out ah wuk.

Precision was de order ah de day from start to finish. Yuh know ah wedding was going to be good when de choir danced all thru de singing; Good when yuh turn up at the gate and Andrea Patterson standing dey with a guest list like St. Peter at the Pearly Gates checking foh yuh name; good when dey was absolutely no crashers, just sweet Pan music as Ken Isles serenading de guests.

Yuh know ah wedding was going to be good when everybody was seated and served sumptuously; toasts not more dan two minutes. Yuh know it was ah good wedding when dinner was served around 7:00 p.m and people was still dancing at 10:00 p.m. when ah left. Yuh know it was ah good wedding when lots ah husbands danced wid dey wives to de Kaiso “Ah come foh Noon-e-Juice”; when wifey, Andrea wanted to shake off other Sang-shun, instead she Sang-shun hubby, Lennox to get up and dance!

When de ever-green Mike Findlay throw aside his jacket and danced all night wid his wife Jean, den boasted dat he was heading foh Ferne Cato’s birthday bashment, to finish off de night! Ah good wedding when de MC, Ricky Adams was lively, he even mek de newlyweds stick de cake twice, once foh de photo-takers and twice foh de seated audience.

De food was good, de youngster serving de curry mutton, kept bleating Beeer! Beeer! Like if de sheep was trying to jump… de pot.

Ah great ambience at Gisla’s palace at Indian Bay, lush green lawn wid palms, ornamentals and flowering plants, tent style next to de beach way de waves gently caressing de shore, surely help to mek it ah very good wedding.

It was so good dat my 13 year ole son said dat it was his best wedding!

May God richly bless Toya and Chris!

And wid dat, is gone ah gone again!

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.