Lie-za wants ah seek-your phone

It ain’t time foh new year’s Awe-ward yet, but ah want to give out two“Vincy Roast Breadfruit & Jack Fish Awe-wards” to ah “Dream Team” in Invest-he-get-teef Journal-is-him. De first goes to de young and seasoned Journal-ace, Ken-tun Chance now studying in Tie-One, and the second goes to ah budding Papa-Rat-see, Oh-risk Rob’son. Dis Form-ah-double Duo has been keeping Vincent-shuns all over in touch wid instant home grown, hot, off de press News; Ken-tun wid his pen and Oh-risk wid his four-toe-graphs.{{more}} Dey produced ah spy-see article on Mon-dey, dealing wid de Election date mix-up. Arm-in like he ain’t know yuh suppose to use ah “Seek-your Phone” when yuh getting top secret info like Election Dates; he pre-empted de Prime Minister on Sat-dey night and announced December 15 as de date foh General Elect-shun, literally put an anti-climb-axe to de PM’s much anticipated big Bum-shell. Whether or not Dec. 15 was de intended date, de PM had to hit back, so on Sun-dey night, after calling de Governor General on ah “Seek Your Phone”, he announced Dec 13 as de date. Dat had to stump Arm-in, except dat when de PM was on de rostrum boasting, say he had de date in his hand, our Papa-Rat-see, Oh-risk caught him on candid calm-raw, wave-in ah document wid de Election date “Monday December 15th” written in pen and ink, presumably de PM’s own hand writing. Dat Four-toe was de subject foh Ken-tun’s Mon-dey story in his I-Witness Bull-let-in. De Too-Too started to hit de fan when de PM’s Communication Consultant, El son Crick sent out de P.M’s speech wid December 15 as de date foh de General Elections. Lie-Za asking me to explain how come dey’s three different sources making reference to Dec 15, Arm-in, de Four-toe in de document held by de PM and El-son Crick’s release. It is obvious dat Dec 15 was sum-way in de bag. Poor El Son Cracked oops, Crick under pressure and act-knowledge dat he made ‘an honest mistake’ in de Press Release and immediately took responsibility foh it all. However El son and Hands refused to let de matter rest dey, ah don’t know if is because our Prime Minister de good doctor was involved, dey saying dat de Four-toe was doctored. Somebody needed to see ah doctor in truth, because dey’s no such date as Mon-dey, December 15 in de year 2010. But Lie-Za is adamant again, she say she had ah pen pal, Lie-pen at de Mental Health who uses to date letters like dat to her, crazy stuff! Let’s hope dis Election gets over soon. In de meantime we need to move on, people eligible to vote, must ensure dey names registered and know way dey voting. Most importantly de date is December 13th and not 15th. As usual Lie-Za wants to get it right, she want ah “Seek your Phone” , even if she have to get her fellar by Lime, Steal one give her!

NO PRE-DICK-SHUN , NOT YET Ah don’t think ah want to pre-dick which way dis Elections going, not yet and not after ah did pre-dick wrong in 2005. However, last year even though ah saw how de Yes/No Vote was heading ah didn’t comment. Looking back at de results, people voted within de constituency dey belonged. De voting was ah serious reverse-all to de 2005 General Elections, de Yes Votes which de Guv-ah-mint pushed, fared badly and won in two constituencies; while de No Votes supported by de Awe-position came out on top in thirteen constituencies, wid de differences in de votes ranging in de hundreds, over ah thousand in some constituencies. De pundits however felt dat de vote was not abour Riff-around-dem, but an indication of voters dissatisfaction wid de ULP Guv-ah-mint, and ah General Elections will be ah different kettle ah fish. I distinctly remembered after de results were announced, people were asking when de NDP was going to tek over de rains. Now up until Hurry-came Tomas, my buy-us observation was telling me dat people were as tight-lip as dey were during de Yes/No Vote Calm Pain, ah was also hearing lots ah de same negative and bitter comments about de ruling regime, in fact is nuff bitterness coming from both sides; we need to get dis country united!. But Hurry-came Tomas has brought on ah serious level ah destruction, no harvesting ah crops foh months which means no income foh Farmers, damaged houses etc. Relief is being distributed and people are sent to dey pull-it-tek-all represent-ah-teef, but not those reps in de Awe-position, de ULP care-takers/ candidate will fill in foh dem. We know way dat mean, after all, de ruling party looking foh ah third term in office; being in control ah all de goodies; is not beyond dem to mek good mileage out ah de situation, already ah “Pastor christen he pickney fuss” is making de rounds, so way yuh expect. Situations like these got ah way dey does back-fire, I am consoled wid de ole people saying “hand plat rope and de same rope does tun back and tie hand”! Remember whatever happens, nah get in no elect-shun violence. And wid dat is gone ah gone again

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.