Give me a banana cider vinegar instead

Ginger Reporter set me up good last week when he roped me into his Apple Cider Vinegar story. Phone calls foh so! Everybody want to know if this can-cock-shun really that good. And of course Lie-Za was first to call. Truth is Apple Cider Vinegar was way back when de Egyptians built de Pyramids, it was the perfect cleanser and remedy foh all sorts ah ailments.

Vivi Bonadie the founder of Bonadie’s Supermarket who was ah vegetarian, had ah shelf in the store set aside foh all his Herbs, Kelps, Oils, Cleansers but Apple Cider Vinegar was his numero uno. He was also into de Honey Bee business, he had Apiaries at Bucchan, Lowmans and ClareValley. {{more}}Sir Vivi ceased to age at sixty, he looked so young that when he died people were fussing how he died young, not knowing the man was actually eighty-four years. So it was Vivi who introduced me to Apple Cider Vinegar. “First thing at mornings” he told me, “one or two spoons full ah Vinegar with ah spoonful ah honey in ah glass ah warm rain water”. When ah ask him what was it good foh, he swung his head left to right and said “everything Alex, Arthritis, de heart, de kidneys, de liver, pressure, sugar, clean de blood, and it master foh stomarch-burn (now sophisticatedly known as Acid Reflux)”. Then he reinforced his ad by telling me that: “I drink it every day sometimes twice”! Ginger Reporter discovered that it is ah good Afro-de-sack. Acting on Sir Vivi’s add-vice, ah took up ah bottle ah Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar with the Mother and off ah went.

In dem days ah uses to wuk foh Dr Ballantyne now de G.G. so one day ah asked him if he ever heard of dis Vinegar stuff, he said yes; then ah asked him what it good for and he laughed and said: ” Bassy it is made from Apple and all it has is some potassium which you can get from coconut water”. He good right day, ah never worried with him, ah keep drinking me Braggs Vinegar and honey and rainwater up to dis morning; and my daily exercises, this is more important than de Vinegar.

DE REAL CIDER VINEGAR

But ah want to move away from de Apple Cider Vinegar; it was de best only because every body was brain-washed into believing that de Apple was de number one fruit in de world until, King Banana hit de road. I have read so much on Bananas that ah going Bananas. Ah literally begging Daniel Cummings and Wendy Murphy, two wine-as sorry, two wine make-as, to mek me ah wine and ah vinegar from Bananas, use no chemical and let us have it tested foh minerals, vitamins and so on. I am convinced that the test will prove that ah Banana Wine or Vinegar contains Potassium, Calcium, Vitamin C, Sodium fiber and more. With these ingredients we will have ah unbeatable product, ah Banana Tonic Wine or ah Banana Cider Vinegar that will be second to none.

Ah wonder how many people who watched de US Lawn Tennis Open Tournament last week, saw de quarter finals match between Roger Federer the No1 and James Blake the No 5. Blake had just won de third set, looked confident and was making ah come back in the match, Federer looked ah bit under. But dey took ah drinks break and straight away Blake went foh ah energizer drink in ah plastic bottle, and Federer took up ah ripe Banana, peeled it and eat it off; then he drank bottled water, you never know it could very well have been Das Da Silva’s or one ah we other Vincy Spring Water. But ah strange thing happened when dey went back on court, Federer looked ah revitalized player, he ran Blake all over de court to ah Six love and won de Match. Ah sware ah saw it, ah not Lie-In and Lie-Za didn’t tell me that.

All ah trying to say is dat Federer ate ah Banana and mek ah come back and won de match! Man de only thing ah ever see Tiger Woods eat when he playing Golf is ah Ripe Banana! There is something mighty great in that Banana.

But isn’t it Eye-run-ache that this country that uses to export over ah hundred million dollars ah Bananas ah year, is now down to twenty million dollars ah year and falling. And what are we doing bout dat? Absolutely nothing!

No wonder in order to mek ends meet, we have to resort to unpleasant measures like selling out prime State Lands, introducing VAT and passing Produce and Commodity Bill. Signs of ah vacancy ah I-dare. Shouldn’t we be passing ah Bill instead that will energize Farmers to get Bananas back up to the hundred million dollar export figure. As Joshua uses to say “Oh what ah tangled web we weave, when all we do is to deceive!

Right now ah making ah drink from five finger, ginger and ripe Bananas, I blend de Bananas with de skin and all. Lie Za want to know what is this all about; ah tell she de way things going, just now mankind will have to eat de Banana and turn back and eat de Skin, so ah practicing up early.

And with dat ah gone again!

One Love Bassy.