One ah dem Christmas Eve night dream

Ah love food and ah does eat nuff when ah ready sometimes; except when night come ah does fraid to eat.

Whenever ah over eat at nights, the food does ride me and ah does have all kind ah night-mayor.

One time ah went to play music at ah party and when we were finished, they gave us ah big dinner after midnight. Man when ah got home ah fell on the bed and ah was off to one-dah-land! From the time me eyes close, ah dream the Drug Squad started to chase me, is like ah was this Big Maf suspect!.{{more}}

Imagine me running in the Hills and the Squad down in the Valley hunting foh me. When ah woke out me sleep, ah wet from head to toe.

But some years ago ah had ah experience, was no night-mayor, it was more like an encounter. Ah think ah might ah write bout this dream over and over, that’s because it has always been my Christmas Story.

Ah dreamt it was Christmas morning and ah got up early to see way Santa Claws bring foh me, when ah Gentleman knock at the door and said he name Jesus. Ah open the door and He really looked like Jesus in truth: tall, dark, curly hair, just plain handsome; he could ah pass foh me twin brother. He made ah quick glance around, the floor shine like glass, O.T. big couch blocking the passage. Ah offered Him ah seat but He preferred to stand by the door. He wouldn’t come inside foh ‘thy kingdom come’. Ah ketch Him staring at the massive space saver with the stereo blasting away, luckily foh me ah was playing ah Jim Reeves CD.

Then there was the 30″ TV set, ah felt guilty; luckily foh me again, the TV was on ah Christian program. So ah told Jesus how ah does watch that TBN station all day and all night; No BET and X-rated channels in this house.

Ah notice He looked surprised when He glanced at the big family Bible in the corner with ah pile ah dust on it; quickly ah explained how we does read it foh devotions every morning and every evening too, but the dust only just got there from all the cleaning that the wife was doing foh His birthday the day before; that Bible ain’t touch foh months. Ah felt good when ah see He nod His head and smiled as though He understood or accepted my explanation. All this time the joke dey pon me, trying to fool God.

AH WOULDN’T GIVE UP

Feeling more comfortable, ah invited Him foh breakfast, but He nudged ah sharp no. Ah wouldn’t tek no foh ah answer though, so ah tell Him how we uses to eat pork ham foh His Birthday, but we switch to Turkey since we join this Jewish religion. Rabbi say that Jesus was Jewish and we must be more and more like Jesus, starting by eating what He would ah eat. Then ah sweeten up the talks ah lickle more, ah tell Him that is like de wife did expect ah special guest, or she knew He was coming, ’cause she went and bought this big Turkey Ham, and since we married ah never she get her ham to bake so pretty and look so tempting. But He would not be tempted. After Satan done exhaust all the laws ah temptation, imagine I still trying.

Suddenly ah got ah bright I-dare. Ah tell Him ah glad He passed by, cause ah want His opinion on something ah mek, how ah did set up some home-made Golden Apple Wine, and ah want Him to sample it before anybody get ah taste; how ah know He is the expert, cause He did turn water into wine at the party and everybody got high and start ah mek noise foh more, and was asking way mek they did hold back the best wine foh last. He gave ah lickle smile by the corner ah He mouth, but nothing doing, He still wouldn’t budge.

AH OPEN ME EYE INSTEAD

Same time ah heard ah knocking on the door again. It was Miss Alma, my near-bar came to ask foh ah lickle drop ah sugar, flour and baking powder; and she added some ice too. She explained how she expect ah special Guest coming foh breakfast, so she want to mek ah lickle lime squash and some dough-boy bakes foh her guest.

Aha! this was my chance to show Jesus how ah does “Love me near-bar like me-self”. Man ah went inside and full up ah small ice bucket, then ah got ah shopping bag, put one ah the wife freshly baked bread in dey, three Ju-C, ah cut ah cake in two and ah few slices ah ham, plus her ingredients foh she dough-boy. When ah went back by the door ah started to call out loud the list ah items foh Jesus to hear.

When ah tell Miss Alma ah put some Ju-C and ah few slices ah ham in dey foh she and she guest, she said no, He doesn’t eat them kind ah expensive thing dey: “He is ah humble man like me-self, is only plain juice or ah lickle water and ah licke biscuit or bakes He does eat” she said.

So ah wish Miss Alma ah Merry Christmas and hope she had Fun with her Visitor. Then ah tell her ah had ah special guest too, today is special foh me, ah have Jesus foh my guest. Even though she didn’t comprehend, she still mek me feel good when she shouted back to me, loudly enough foh Jesus to hear her say: “Ah know that yuh love yuh Jesus yuh know”. Same time ah turned to Jesus and explained that was my dear near-bar Miss Alma, she’s ah poor lady but there isn’t ah more humble and God fearing person around; and that she’s having ah special guest today, so she came early foh her regular weekly supply that ah does give her; ah mek believe that ah does give her weekly groceries. And to add ah lickle sarcasm ah told Jesus that ah hope that her guest not expecting too much foh breakfast.

Immediately Jesus interrupted me and asked: “Did you say that was Miss Alma”? Ah replied: ” Yes, Jesus, that was Miss Alma, why, yuh know she? ” He raised his index finger, as if He scolding me, He said: “Now I understand, then she does not live here, oh, I believe the boys down the road misunderstood and gave me the wrong house. I’m sorry for the mix-up”, He concluded, ” but I have come to share breakfast with Miss Alma today”. And with that Jesus left my big fancy mansion with all me baked ham, me Sham-pain, me De Anjay, Murphy and Gonsalves wines, me big stereo and TV, Courts and O.T. living-room and dining-room sets, and went across to Miss Alma lickle in she two by two, one bedroom board house to have breakfast. Just when ah was about to open me mouth to bawl out and tell Jesus He can’t treat me so, ah open me eye instead. Guess what? Ah wake-up!

That is my Christmas Story. By the way, are yuh sure yuh don’t have ah Miss Alma living next door?

Tri Tri around Wednesday, and with that ah gone again. Have ah Blessed Christmas and God Bless.

One Love Bassy.