Vincy polly-ticks full ah jokes

Ah notice ah got honorable mention last week in Dr Care-not John’s Column as he did an anal-assess ah the Pull-it-tek-all Columnists. Care-not uses to be the Devil’s advocate; he gone up one notch, he’s now de Devil himself. He was one ah my Teachers, quite good but I was not; guess ah was only Different. Ah also had ah Mr. Fabian, ah volunteer from the US, he taught me Maths in Form 2 and left me ah motto foh life. He uses to say: “ Whatever you do, try as much as you can to be Different”. Today, fifty years later, ah can appreciate what Mr. Fabian was telling me: “Don’t be ah Copy-book”!{{more}}

In Dr. Care-not’s anal-assess, ah turn out to be Different. Care-not thinks that ah does tek serious Vincy Politics and mek Jokes, even overdoing it at times. And he put me in NDP Camp because ah got friends in the Party. Actually ah have more friends in ULP : There’s Mike and Julian, then Louis Straker de wine-ah-boy, ah hear his Bishop sat him in ah corner at the back ah the church all day Sat-dey, to un-wine! What’s wrong with NDP protesting that Louis Straker is not ah Come-on Wealth citizen, they want to mek Louis Come-on wine-up again, this time sharing his Wealth, more $100.00 notes.

Con-red Say-yes is me friend too, ah did tell him to stick to Pastor and forget Polly-tricks, but his wife stop me short, she had ah vision that his calling was Politics, think she meant Paul-ah-tricks. And ah did warn me friend Dug-he too, tell him stick to his medicine, now he can’t sleep at night, too much ah “Nature” riding or ridding him. Did I tell yuh de Come-red is me friend? But Dinky and the Elections keeping him busy from calling me these days, ah get ah break. If yuh think Frank Da Silva got tapes ah de Come-red’s conversations, wait till yuh hear mine’s, all ah my tapes in me head though. Ah think de Come-red literally too-too pon his door steps when he tried to bait Frank Da Silva in telephone conversation; but then again, that’s de Come-red, he does confide in everybody pon the phone. Those are some ah my friends in the ULP, they might not have me as their friend, watch how ah behaving like Lie-Za, begging foh friends.

Now the few NDP friends are different. When ah was going to study in Canada ah couldn’t get anyone to sign my Bond, fellars were skipping the Bond leaving Sureties in debts. But Sir James willingly signed my Student Bond foh thousands ah dollars. My position with Arm-in is clear, friend or no friend, he’s ah decent man and capable of running Guv-ah-mint as well as leading the Opposition. Ah bet de Come-red is going to come-plain again say that ah don’t like him, ah big-up Arm-in more than he.

THE SERIOUS SIDE

Obviously Care-not himself could not be serious when he says Vincy Politics is Serious Business; not even the Poli-trickers behave serious, so why should I. That is why ah tek ah Different Road, Jokes and Humour, find ah lighter side to the Issues, without losing sight ah the topic; and what can be lighter than laughter.

How can I not want to share ah laugh on the two leaders, Ralph and Arm-in. One wants ah Kinder, Gentler Society, the other wants the Society Together Now! But even with that much in common, it is still not enough to mek them Kinder and Gentler towards each other much more Together Now. Their platforms are simply hostile territory, just short ah breathing fire and brimstone. Who ain’t Red Rat, is Red Ants or Labour Hog, and the other is NDP Dog. When it is not name-calling is calling foh name: “What’s my name”? They had to be Joking.

THE ELECTIONS TIED AT 9-6

But the Election Calm Pain is hot, ah fraid it will boil over before December 7th. ULP done launch its Man-yuh-fete-so, nuff music and Guess Artiste at the Netball Stay-dumb on Sat-dey night. In East Kingstown ULP never sleeps, Julian Francis got ah heavy Presence and Presents too, Gifts galore, is Christmas before Christmas: Gold , Mire and Franc-an—cents! De slogan is Captain out all man out. Only Divine intervention can save Arm-In.

The NDP received fifty thousand T-shirts, fifty thousand Ban-Donna and twelve thousand Risk-bands in time foh Arm-in’s launch. That’s why they claim they had over thirty thousand people at Victoria Park. Keith Boy-yeh will get ah Senator pose foh getting them T-shirts out ah China in two weeks. And with Arm-in’s big launch, like the Red Ants gone crazy. They turn on the heat. My NDP source claiming ah 9-6 victory. Strange though, my ULP source from Rose Bank forecast ah 9-6 ULP victory. So until that crucial December 7th it is dead-locked at 9-6 foh both sides. Crazy forecast that. Is only now ah will get cut eye from both sides.

RENT AH NATTY

Care-not digging scenes and even Lie-Za gets ah good laugh out ah Vincy Pull-ah-tricks. She say that de Come-red took ah Rasta side “Back Ah” sorry, “Forward Ah Creation” that’s Eat-yuh-hope-yah, and he almost walked away with all ah the Rasta votes. Luckily foh Arm-in he got home-grown Rastas, his two children Ah-Jah-nah and Mi- Jah. Lie-Za say she overheard de Come-red begging his son: “Camillo, yuh turn Rasta too. Grow ah locks or rent ah Natty and call I-self I-calm-low.” And Arm-in one side boasting that his wife I-Jen is Ras too and he chanting de Come-red saying: “ I-Arm-In I-Stas hereby challenge Ras I-Gone-soft to come forward with lady I-Lou-ease’s Natty see if lady I-Jen’s Natty nah wrap round her”! And de Come-red hitting back : “ I and I- Gone-soft say, thank God foh I-Jen, left to I-Arm-in I-stas alone, them two youths would ah never Natty, they would ah been Bawl-heads”! Anyhow Lie-Za cleared up all doubts, she say Arm-in not only born-hair but has ah Natty, it’s not visible, he got in-growing hair! And all yuh want me treat Vincy Polly-tricks See-Ras. Well, on a See-Ras note look foh Tri Tri this weekend. And with that ah gone again.

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