My family leaves me feeling stressed and unappreciated

Dear Rosie,

I love to read your column. At this moment I need some of your advice.

I am 16 years old, am a 4th former, attend one of the 5 top high schools in St. Vincent.

Now Rosie I live with my family. I’m treated as if I’m 12 years and hardly go places with my friends. I wish my mother can understand how I feel. I met this boy and he is 18 years.

We are in a relationship (sex not a part of it). I wish I can tell my mother about him. Not every boy want sex. This boy want to see the best for me and see me reach far in life. I feel stress and unappreciated by my family. The only person I trust is him. Do you think I’m too young to have a boy friend? I have older sisters and when I need help with my school work they don’t help me. I have to lie just to go by him (my boyfriend) for him to help me and he is willing . I don’t know what love is but when I’m around him I feel love!! Need your advice.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!

Really Sad

Dear Really Sad,

I actually feel for you. Sixteen is a rough age and to feel misunderstood by most of the people around you is so tough! I also know that you are going through so many different emotions and I am here to tell you that this is very normal.

Firstly the fact that you are not as close as you would like to be with your mother and sisters is a real issue and I hear you. The mother/daughter relationship can be very emotionally driven. Sometimes we just are in different places emotionally and therefore not able to connect with the people closest to us. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying.

With all these things happening, you then have met a young man who is giving you what you seem to be missing at home. It seems from your description that he is caring and understanding. It is always good to have someone in your corner.

My problem is that you have to sneak around to see him. The other problem that I see is that you are becoming emotionally dependent on him. This can also lead to many issues. For instance, not being straight forward with your mother or family for that matter that you are seeing this boy, will only lead to more conflict. You said that they treat you as if you are 12 years old not 16 years, then this is time to start approaching life and your problems with a little more maturity.

I know it will be like World War III to tell your mother about your feelings for your boyfriend. But maybe you can find an ally to speak with her so that maybe he can come to your house at approved times to visit. If this doesn’t work then, please don’t sneak around. Meet in public places maybe after school etc. However, I think trying to explain to your mother how you feel is the best move. Do you have Godparents or anyone else who you can talk to? Someone else who can help bridge the gap? Not just for the boyfriend issue but for feeling neglected as well?

Honesty and being as straight forward as possible is the best thing to do right now. Oh yes, let me also applaud you for not having a sexual relationship as well…like you need any more layers to your life at this time! Believe me you do not. I know you have it in you to approach your challenges in the right way. I am also routing for you. Keep your chin up.

Rosie

Send questions toRosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines