I think my cousin is making a bad decision
I am an 18-years-old girl and I have a friend, my cousin, who is 17 years old and we were in the fifth form together, but she went to Canada. She has a 21-years-old boyfriend in St Vincent, but they are still together. She loves him and he loves her. Rosie, they were together for one year now, and trust me, the way how they react is like they are already married. She told me that they never fought before, and I believe it, because she doesn’t like noise, as it makes her head hurt a lot (she’s a sickly child). But let’s just get to the point now.
Now that she is in Canada the boy is telling her to come home and she wants to. She is already saving her money to come home. Rosie, I do want to see her again, but I think that if she comes home and meets this boy she is going to loose it really badly. She might end up dying just because of too much stress that he might give her. She is a very intelligent girl and I know that she is not stupid enough to come home. Rosie, I love her like the sister I never had. I know that the boy loves her, but Rosie, I cannot let her come home to a future that she is just going to screw up and regret later.
If you can please help me, Rosie, to just encourage her and tell her what’s best for her. I love her too much to let her fall too deeply.
Please help me I’m troubled
Dear Please help me I’m troubled,
It is very nice to read that you care so deeply for your cousin and her well being, I can hear your concern and that’s the most important thing at the moment. I do agree with you that she may be making an irreversible move and not for the best either.
So what to do? You can only advise her. To everyone around her or even reading your letter it is as plain as day that this would not be a good move for this 17-year-old “sickly” (your words) young woman to make. To sacrifice what life has in store for her because of a guy that she loves at this time. Please remember who you love with all your heart right now, may not be so in the future. This is too soon in the game to settle down with one guy. That’s why I preach about dating. Not having sex with every guy that you meet, but to go out with different people and see what is out there. There is no hurry to trap yourself into a possible mistake at 17. None whatsoever.
If she was to move back who would she stay with? Who would support her? Would they be happy that she did so? Or even worse, would she be so blinded by love to make the mistake of moving in with her boyfriend? I really hope not! These are all points that you should bring up to her. Explain to her intelligent side (the one she’s not using when it comes to him at the moment) that she has a great opportunity to pursue her future and independence which is via her continuing her education. Not taking 10 steps back because she feels as though he may be the love of her life.
She may be fooling herself into thinking that it will all be Berries and Cream once they get together, but I have to use the old saying of, “come see me and come live with me are two different things”. Taking on an adult role at 17 or 18 is no joke. Especially when you have no concept of what “real work” it takes to have a successful relationship. Ask anyone who has been in a relationship for years that very question and they would tell you it is a constant fight to keep a healthy relationship going. She simply doesn’t have these tools at the moment.
Finally, what are her parents saying? Do they know about her master plan? Get the family involved. I don’t consider this snitching; you are giving everyone a heads up. Maybe other loved ones can step in and take “the shades of love” off her eyes, so she may see the true light of day. Always remember you can bring a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. You can try, but there is only so much that you can do. I wish you all the best for your future as well.
Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines