I’ve got relationship conflicts with my girlfriend

Hey Rosie,

I am imran and I am in love with a woman of above my age. She is 36 and I am 33.

We are both staying in Johannesburg, but we come from different countries. I am from Malawi and she is from Zimbabwe. We met in 2013 and we have been doing great during that time. I was the only person working and after 2015, when she started working and staying far away from me, we have been fighting a lot, because of trust issues. I love her so much and I introduced her to my parents through networks, as we are far from them. But her parents know me very well, as they visit South Africa regularly. 

My problem is, she doesn’t want to move to my place, since I asked her three years ago. We are staying four kms apart and when I ask her to move to my place, she tells me lots of stories. What can I do to bring her closer to me? Or why doesn’t she want to move to my place? Can you advice me, dear Rosie?

Yours Imran

Hello Imran,

You have a very interesting dynamic happening here. An older woman, different cultures and living apart for a while – just to mention a few differences.  Yet you can’t fight who you love.

Now that you are in the same place, the conflict has heightened even more and it’s difficult to get together.  It feels, however, that there is a serious communication issue happening between both of you. When someone starts avoiding you, or even refusing to meet family members, compromising about living arrangements etc, you have to ask what is the real deal about the push back you’ve been getting.

I think you may have to be very direct and ask your partner what’s going on. Do you want us to build a life together?  Is there something wrong that you feel you can’t share with me? Ask the hard questions and more importantly, be prepared to hear the “real” answers.  

Remember, to have a long-lasting relationship, you have to do the work and be honest with each other.  I truly wish you both the best.

Rosie