My boyfriend makes me feel unappreciated

Dear Rosie,

First of all, I must compliment you for being a wonderful inspiration to me and others. I am a 19-year-old young lady, not too long graduated from college. I am currently in a relationship and it has been almost four years since we have been together. He’s a nice young man — well educated, ambitious, loving and perhaps too friendly.{{more}} My boyfriend probably knows every woman in SVG and probably has all of them on Whatsapp and it’s very annoying. I had this part-time job recently and I told him since he has to pass my job to get to where we sometimes sit and chill, he should just wait for me. He refused and when I eventually arrived at the place, he was there with this other “female friend,” who is a co-worker of his. I did not like the way she was sitting so close up to him, so I turned and walked away, even though he saw me. Right now, they or “she” spends more time with him than I do. I also notice that if I pick up his phone, he will pull it away fast. It’s like every girl he meets, he has to get their number and when we are together, he is always on his phone. I try my best to talk to him, but he never understands. I almost broke up with him a couple times because I felt as though I was unappreciated. I really love him, but I believe that one day this will ruin our relationship because he is supposed to know where his boundary is.

In need of advice

Dear In need of advice,

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Let me say this, it is sometimes easier for an outsider (like myself) to see what is quite evident in a situation, rather than the person who is experiencing it.

Look, my friend, he isn’t ready to be in a long-term relationship, plain and simple. I think he may be an awesome young man, who is a massive flirt (based on what you’ve told me) and is out there flexing his charming muscles and having the time of his life, without truly caring how it impacts you.

Now I am sure that he does have great feelings for you as well, but he is not mature enough to be respectful of your feelings, much less any other woman. To be truthful, at this age (if he is in your age group), one should going out with other people, having fun, being sexually careful and responsible and learning about relationships, your likes and dislikes. I think you need to seriously consider moving on; this is too much drama for someone your age and there is so much ahead of you.

Know that you still can further your education, meet tons of other interesting people, travel and realize that this young man is truly not the only fish in the sea. I know you really love him, but for your own peace of mind, love yourself more. I know this is entirely your decision, but one that you are going to have to take control of. Also I would not make a big stink about it either; just walk away. By the way, what would probably happen too is that he will want to come back — you will have to decide if this is the type of drama you are looking for.

You deserve the very best. Remember that.

Rosie