Deadbeat dad returns after years of being missing in son’s life

Hey Rosie,

I am so mad right now. I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves my son and me. My son is not his biological child, but he treats him as if he were. He’s been in his life since he was 14 months old and my son is now four and knows no other man as Daddy. Meanwhile his biological father, who ran away like a little boy from his responsibility, is upset to see that we have moved on and that my son is happy as well. He’s telling me that he has a right to see his son and doesn’t want him calling my soon-to-be husband “Daddy”!{{more}} Rosie, this man never helped me with our son. In fact, he said he wasn’t the father! Now he wants to act like a father? I would like to have him sign his rights away, but some people are saying I should give him a chance. My son doesn’t even know that the man whom he calls Daddy is not his father, because I thought he was too young for this mess. Now, he’s forcing my hand. What should I do, Rosie? I wish he would go back to where he came from.

Upset

Hello Upset,

I would be upset as well. Where was this man for the last four years when he could have made his presence known to this precious child? Now it seems he’s threatened because he can’t control your life. But you can definitely control how you handle this situation.

However, hear this though, whether you like it or not: he IS your son’s father and some sort of civil agreement and understanding must be put into place right away. First, you and your fiancé will have to make sure that you are in agreement as to how this matter will be dealt with: visitation, child support, when you tell your son the truth etc. Then you guys will all have to sit down as mature adults and hash out this agreement (preferably with a lawyer), as to the expectations going forward, so that he doesn’t traumatize your son’s stability and happiness.

The reason I am going through all of these guidelines and suggestions is really simple. If he doesn’t live up to his end of the bargain or he really isn’t serious about stepping up to be a positive influence in his son’s life, then you would have it all on paper. Some people make mistakes in their lives and they want an opportunity to right a wrong. Some people are just drifters and some people are toxic. You, my dear, will have to figure out which category your child’s father falls into and then do what’s best for your young son, your future relationship and of course, you. Make sure you think before you react.

All the best with your future endeavours.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines