I found pictures of another girl on my boyfriend’s phone!

Hey Rosie,

I have being going out with this guy for six months. He is the most perfect guy you could meet — at least that’s what I thought in the Christmas season. My womanly voice inside was saying something ain’t right. Well, I was bold enough to ask him if he is having sex with another girl; he said no and completely shut down.{{more}}

Well, I am the type of person who doesn’t leave half answered questions like that. Well, one day, his phone was lying around and I went through the phone pictures and messages and lo and behold, I found pictures with the other girl on the bed and messages also from the girl to him and what he replied to her. Well, I got mad and cursed at him, asking him why he had to lie when I asked him if he cheating on me. He gave an excuse that the girl was before me and all that. Now he said he is sorry and that he messed up and asked me to forgive him. Well, I did, because I like to give three chances. Well, from that mess up, everything was going well, until one day, I got a message from the girl saying I must watch my back and also she is going all out to get my cell number. Well, I confronted him. He said the reason the girl is acting up is because he told her off.

Okay, I let that one go again. Now, my problem is that the second I leave my phone unattended, he goes through it. What he is looking for, I don’t know. He went as far as to take numbers out of my phone and add to his and asked who the person is. I find this childish. Now, I asked him: “Do you trust me?” He said “NO”. I said, “why, when I haven’t done you anything wrong or even given you anything not to trust me about.” His response was that women have this thinking that when a man messes up, she has this thing in mind to do him back. Now I am feeling like I have to be on my p’s and q’s. I am 23 and good looking and everything. The only thing that is eating me is finding a good job, but that’s hard to find.

Help

Dear Help,

I am very happy that you listened to you “inner voice.” It almost never steers us in the wrong direction. You and your boyfriend are having some MAJOR trust issues; the real problem is that the cheating and lying are front and centre. I know you know that once a relationship is plagued with these problems and no one is seeking counselling it’s in for major issues going forward.

Let me ask you a very simple question: Do you trust him? If the simple answer is “No,” then you have your answer. My thing is you are 23, no children, trying to establish yourself with a career and making a successful life; why burden yourself with someone who is into playing games? Sometimes we are so caught up in the chase and the drama that we forget that we actually aren’t into this kind of lifestyle to begin with.

If you are searching through his phone (and vice versa), getting threatening messages, fighting and screaming on a regular basis, then I think maybe it’s time to move on. What do you think? You do know that sometimes in this life we have to walk away, correct? However, no one can tell you what to do, we can only suggest. So, I suggest that you continue your education (maybe evening classes?), continue to look for employment and most importantly, seek out some personal counselling. You need to remind and uplift yourself that you deserve better than this and you should not settle for poor treatment either.

I really do wish you the best with your decision.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com

or PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines