My mother is so negative, it’s difficult to have a close relationship with her

Hey Rosie,

I have a very difficult mother and it makes it sometimes very difficult to talk to her. She always has something negative to say about my friends, what I wear, school, the family and so many other things. If I have great news, I would hesitate to tell her, but I would tell my father instead. I’ve had times when she’s heard about my life through my teachers and outsiders and she would get mad, because she says I keep secrets from her. Rosie, I am 17 and I would like to have a closer relationship with her; even my sister and brother feel the same way. But at the end of the day, it’s like a losing battle. Help me, please.{{more}}

About To Give Up

Dear About To Give Up,

Please don’t give up! Believe me when I say that you are not the only daughter that has a difficult relationship with her mother – many girls and women do. So, I beg you not to throw in the towel, my young friend.

The Mother/Daughter relationship has always been a complicated one. Even when the relationship doesn’t have the challenges that you are experiencing, there are still conflicts that arise in the “vision” the mother may have for her daughter, which may not necessarily be what the daughter sees for herself. But in your case, it’s terrible that you feel this way; but you can have someone help you bridge this great divide. Do you have an aunt, godmother or someone who is your mother’s contemporary, whom she may respect, and who can be the advocate for an open and honest conversation about how her actions are hurtful to you.

I am suggesting this route first, because I think she may be more open to hearing this from a loved one or friend rather than a stranger. However, if this does not work, then I am going to ask you to personally go to a counsellor and talk about these issues. Lighten the load and get it off your chest. One day, I feel as though you will both come to a place where you will have mutual respect for each other and also learn to understand each other’s differences. I know you would love your mother to be more warm and loving with regard to how she speaks to you, but I can only encourage you to continue to press forward and become that awesome human being that I know you will be. Do not be discouraged; keep that door opened in terms of communication.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines