He started cheating on me so I cheated on him; now he hits me

Dear Rosie,

I have enjoyed reading your articles over the years. I am a 19-year-old female and I’ve been in an on off relationship for the past 3 years. In the beginning he was so sweet doing everything he should have done, but then after a year he started cheating on me with countless women and I stuck by him even when my friends begged me to leave him.{{more}} I thought he loved me and that my love could change him. I even started to cheat on him just so he could see how it felt to be hurt by the one you love, but instead he started hitting me. I in turn shrinked and my self esteem fell to the point where I thought I deserved it. But a few weeks ago, he left me and I don’t know whether to be relieved or not, because I still miss him. Rosie am I so blinded that I can’t see him for who he really is?

Helpless

Dear Helpless,

I am so happy that you reached out! You are not only going through a rough patch because of the break up, you are also displaying classic signs of someone who went through domestic violence. You should seek outside help ASAP in order to vent and let your pain be heard. Closing yourself off and feeling as though you deserved this type of treatment is not helping your frame of mind at all.

So let’s review where things went wrong: number one when the cheating started happening, you honestly should have left. I wouldn’t even have stayed to “work it out” because you are too young to start forming these bad habits when it comes to relationships. Number two, to go and cheat to prove a point is never a good idea! You are setting yourself up for more hurt and feelings of insecurity – again, walk away from the infidelities it makes you regret so many things. Finally Number three, NEVER STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP IF A MAN HITS YOU! This is so important to wrap your mind around. Verbal and physical abuse are totally unacceptable, so once this starts rearing it’s head and you notice that the person has these traits, keep moving!

I want you to know that you WILL get over this guy. He was NOT the one for you. You deserve so much more and one day when you have matured some more you will come to realise that settling for less than you deserve is unacceptable. Take the time to heal your soul, learn to love you and the things that make you happy once more. Do not look back and try to rekindle any romance with this guy, it is not worth it. Also most importantly seek help; it will assist in your healing process. I am pulling for you because I know you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Rosie

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P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.