Together for 15 years; and now he’s cheating on me and has a child

Hey Rosie,

I am with this man who is playing with my emotions. I know that he is cheating on me and I even know that he had a child last year too. Rosie, every time I confront him, he likes to make me feel as though I am losing my mind and it isn’t true. We have been together for 15 years and have three children.{{more}} We both work and have a home together; but my mistake is that I never put my foot down about his behaviour and also making him marry me. Now he has me like a joke around town and I have had enough. My family always asks me why am I staying and at this point I can’t say it’s for love; it might be for the children. I am done with the games and I want to leave. He laughs when I say that and says I am not going anywhere.

Help me, I have had enough!

Dear Help me I have had enough,

Well where do I begin? I am relieved that you are taking some major responsibility for your actions. That is the first major step in getting yourself the help and healing that you need. Let’s be real for a moment; you are allowing him to manipulate you and play with your head and that needs to stop.

Being with someone for 15 years (married or unmarried) doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to have issues during that time. So, to say that you should have made him marry you is not correct at all. You would have had the same problems as you do now – in fact, it would have been bigger. If you sit back and read your own letter, you would see that you have been unhappy for a while; he cheats, he has a child outside of your relationship, he laughs and says that you are losing your mind – yet you still stay and put up with this nonsense?

Staying for your children is not the answer. No way; they are seeing a very dysfunctional interaction and I am sure they have pre-conceived thoughts about what is going on. What they need to see are two healthy parents who are able to parent together or co-parent apart. The bottom line is you have to decide what you are going to do. Are you going to stay and go to counselling (together or even by yourself)? Are you going to establish new ground rules by which you would like to be treated? Are you going to make moves to leave him and get the emotional help to be stronger and more confident moving forward? Whatever you decide, I know you can improve your situation and it all lies with you.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or

P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines.