Hey Rosie!
December 13, 2013

He wants to marry me, but doesn’t support me financially

Hey Rosie,

I met this guy five years ago when I was 22 years old, while he’s nine years older. He’s so spiritual and humble, though not financially okay.{{more}}

He proposed to me a year after – when I got admission to school. I am only an OND holder (Ordinary National Diploma), but he had none, but a teacher earning 18 thousand naira monthly. I’m from a humble background and a virgin living away from my family striving to survive and to help them. And since my teenage years, I’ve been the one taking care of myself.
Now, I’m confused if I am to go ahead and marry him, because he has never supported me financially since we met. How do I mean? I have never asked him for money. I trained myself in school, but he never supported even a little. Now is the hardest time for me, because I’m alone searching for job, without anyone supporting me, of which he’s aware, but could not help, despite how hard I complain to him. And now their concern (family) is for me to get a job (I guess to support him). Rosie, is this not uncaring? I’ve stayed for years waiting for him to get money for our wedding, but finally he promised next year.

Now, there’s a guy who loves me and has proposed against next year too. Whenever I remember how this guy treated me despite my state, I feel hatred for me. I’m planning to marry the second guy as soon as he’s ready. Please, dear Rosie, advise me.

Confused

Dear Confused,

My dear I have to congratulate you on your ambition and drive. You are obviously someone who has serious goals and will go very far in this life. I am asking you to very carefully assess both men who are around you.

To be truthful, the first gentleman doesn’t seem like a go getter and someone who you can grow with and set a strong foundation with. It seems as though he is looking at your drive and just expects to fall into place when it comes to you taking care of him — much like you take care of your family. This is NOT what any career woman wants — a man who has no drive and who isn’t willing to work with her.

Now, this new guy, I really don’t know how long you have known him, but he sounds like he has more promise and potential. My thing is, why are you in such a hurry to marry at this young age? I think you should sit down with this other man and find out what goals and aspirations he has for himself and, of course, both of you as a couple.

Does he want to travel, maybe buy a house, or maybe go back to school to further the education of you both? How many children does he want? How about your religious views? How are you going to pool your finances? These are very important questions; sometimes the answers to these questions make it clear if this IS or IS NOT the person that you should be with.

So, personally, I would leave the first guy alone, based on what you said. I don’t think you even like him (that’s how it comes off). But I would also make sure that the second man is worth your time or maybe you should take your time to see what direction your life is heading in. I wish you the very best with your decisions.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or
P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.
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