My wife left me for my cousin, now she wants me to take her back!

Hey Rosie,

I have a complicated problem. I am married with 3 children and my wife announced that she was leaving me for my cousin right after the birth of our last baby 3 months ago. Rosie, I couldn’t believe it! She said that I wasn’t treating her right, and my cousin is more man than I will ever be! Rosie, I begged and begged before she left me with the kids and she basically just laughed in my face.{{more}} This is the kicker, though. My cousin didn’t want her! He took her in, but really treated her and the kids badly. He had other women, he stayed out for days, he yelled at my older children (he even told me he was sorry, but he knew she was easy, that’s why he went for it!). Needless to say, he and I have no relationship at this point. But the cherry on the cake is that he kicked her out and she had no other place to go and I took her back in. Rosie, she says that she is sorry, she wants to work it out and will do anything to make this work. I love her, but I don’t trust her. My family members are upset that she is back in the house and are telling me to fight for custody of the children. I am so torn. I am even doubting if the last baby is mine. Help me, Rosie. I am losing my mind! I would do anything for my kids.

Sinking Fast

Dear Sinking Fast,

Good Lord! Let me throw you a life vest! You have so many decisions to make and I REALLY feel for you at this point. The one thing that I hear from you is that you love your children. Forgive me, but when it comes to your trifling wife, that’s a whole other bag of tricks there! Unfortunately based on what you said, it seems as though she doesn’t have your well being at heart.

What kind of person would mess with his cousin’s wife? There is no excuse for that! I would never trust him for any reason. You are right to cut him off. That type of deceptive nature is toxic.

Your wife is another story; she called you names, kicked over the bucket of milk and went to where she thought the grass was greener. Then she quickly realized there was no grass there after all. You are a kind natured person, it seems, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep a firm perspective regarding what’s going on around you. The first thing that you should deal with is: do you want to remain married to this woman? Secondly, how active a parent are you going to be to your children?

If you want to save your marriage, then BOTH of you need intensive couples counseling. This may also reveal that you both are better off apart, but you have to see it to the end. Then you are going to need to discuss what’s best for the children; they are so innocent in this whole mess. But that’s why we are parents. We have to look out for their well being, and keeping some form of normalcy is so important in their lives. With regard to the baby, is it that the baby doesn’t resemble you? Or you just want to have a peace of mind? Either way, a paternity test is the way to go.

Remember that you did nothing wrong here. Healing and getting centered is priority for your mental health. No matter what, please make sure that you get the counseling YOU need. People who do the right things in life are those who live with a clear conscience. Sometimes life hits us with theses curve balls because we have to do some “people cleaning”. Be focused, be strong and you will get through this.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.