I am caught between a rock and a hard place

Hey Rosie,

I am in my late 20s and I describe myself as a wonderful person with long term qualities and a pleasant personality. I’ve had some interest in a man for a couple of years now, but always skirted around the issue because I was afraid of getting hurt again. After much talk and soul searching, we decided to get together, with the understanding that he had a child and I was satisfied with that knowledge.{{more}}

Rosie, to my great surprise, I found out that he has another child older than the one I had knowledge about. To be honest, I am shocked right now, but my biggest worry is can I handle this relationship with this baggage? Rosie, I love this man and I am definitely caught between a rock and a hard place. What do I do ?

I need your advice

Dear I need your advice,

I think you really just needed to vent because I am getting the impression that you have already accessed your situation and you don’t like it! The thing you can’t help is who you love, but you can definitely decide what you can or can’t live with.

You seem to be a person who cautiously likes to make your decisions based on the pros and cons before you. So after much consideration, you decided to give this gentleman a chance because he told you about his child; then out of left field up pops another one! So there is already an element of deception involved here.

My thing is that you may grow to like and have a wonderful life long relationship with these children, because they were there before you and have nothing to do with you moving forward with their father. But in my opinion, the seed of doubt has been planted because what else has he not told you about his past? Also, are you willing to let him be forthright without feeling as though you will up and leave him without a fair hearing?

In this day and age, many couples have children prior to meeting each other, and that is a common occurrence. You then have the exes to deal with and the whole setting of boundaries etc. Now, sit yourself down and ask yourself is this man who you love worth all of this? He may very well be. If he is someone who is willing to work with you establishing fair ground rules for the children being in your lives, respect from his children’s mothers and your acceptance as to what the reality is, then I would say go for it.

However, if it is a dicey situation already and you are just starting out together, I would say think long and hard before you make your long term commitment. Best of luck to both of you.

Rosie

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.