I love being around him
Hey Rosie,
I came upon you on Google.. so hereâs my story..
Iâve been in a relationship for almost 6 years now. Last summer, I met someone on Facebook. He is from the same town I am from, but he is in the Air Force and is stationed in a different state, and yes, he has a girl friend.{{more}}
He was in our home town and asked me to hang out so I said yes. We fell for each other instantly. He is 4 years older than me, and is so much sweeter to me than my boyfriend whom I hardly ever see. Heâs the type that doesnât like to spend much time together, and he likes his space. I like space as well, but I want someone who wants to be with me.
So this guy and I kept talking, then a month before he was going to be deployed to Iraq, he tells me his girl friend is having his baby. It hurt me so much, because this whole time, he kept that from me, so immediately I ended things.
The baby was born last month which is the same time he was sent back home from Iraq. Anyway, I just couldnât stop thinking about him, so I messaged him. He wrote back and was so happy to hear from me that he started texting me. At first, we were talking as just friends, because they live together, so of course she checks his phone. Anyway, I guess they had a fight about me, and he left their house and called me. We talked for an hour or so. He told me he misses me so much and he realized he doesnât want to be with her. He says heâs fed up with her and isnât happy. He told me he wants to be with me and that he knows I am the one for him. He told me he never meant to hurt me, but the reason he didnât want to tell me about his baby on the way was because he was scared to lose me, which he did. He said he cried and he always thought of me. He told me he loves everything about me and how heâs tired of trying to fake the love he has for her, that he wants to be in a relationship with me. He also told me he would always be there for his baby, that she means the world to him, but he just doesnât want to waste his life being miserable with her, when he can be happy with me. I donât know what to do. I really care for him a lot. I think I fell in love with him. It just sucks because this situation is drama, but I love being around him. I honestly think he is the perfect guy for me. I donât see myself happy in the long run with my current boy friend, but I know this guy can and will make me completely happy. I just donât know if I should go for it because of the baby mama drama, and everything that comes with having a boyfriend who has a baby from somebody else. Please help.
So Confused
Dear So Confused,
Thank you for writing in your concerns this week. I think you are stuck right now because of some missteps you took in this relationship in the past. When it comes to matters of the heart and who you fall for, the heart does take over for a while. In your case this is what happened.
The first problem was that you were already in a relationship, hadnât ended it, but instead got caught up in the whirlwind of this chemistry from your new beau. This was a BIG mistake because both of you were with other people, thus making your foundation very shaky right off the bat.
Now here is where I need you to look at how your life has unfolded since then; a new and innocent life has arrived, you still reconnected with this man, there is a rift between him and his girlfriend and to top this all off you are still with your boyfriend who you are lukewarm about at best! Now as you look at this what does this say to you? You are the major player here in this saga. You started this and you can end it.
This relationship, if pursued at this time, will not stand a very strong chance of surviving. Both of you MUST step away from this relationship and bring closure to the unfinished business in each of your personal lives. Do not go jumping into another relationship until you have had complete closure on the one youâre in. Frankly, there are too many factors between you and this guy at the moment, so sort out your emotional deficits (i.e. the things that are voids in your life, besides a man) see how you can fill them to your personal satisfaction. Become at peace with you and the things that you deserve, then you would be so surprised how much clearer things become. When we are at peace it opens us up to many wonderful and different opportunities. You deserve to have your very own partner to thrive, love and grow with. At this moment this setup isnât it. Be strong.
Rosie
Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,
Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.
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