Am I really that spoiled?
Hi Rosie,
I am engaged and getting married later this summer. My fiancee is about 15 years older than me and he gives me everything that I want or ask for. We have been together for over 8 years and I am in my late 20âs. Rosie, as we are coming down to the wedding, we are seeing that we have vast differences in how we approach money, roles in the relationship and compromise in general. So, we are in counselling because a lot of my girlfriends say that Iâm bossy and spoiled. Everything that I ask for I get. This is just the way that it is, Rosie. This is how we began the relationship, and I see no need to change. So, all of a sudden he wants to know how we are going to split the chores for cooking and housework. I said we should look into getting help. I know he works hard and does two jobs, but if I didnât do this before, why should I start this now? This is what we are fighting about and my money spending. Why is he changing the game up? Am I really that spoiled? I think heâs gotten the ultimate prize, and thatâs me.
Tell me the truth.
Dear Tell Me the Truth,
Well, my mouth was open for this ENTIRE letter! I read it and then re-read it so I could make sure that this wasnât some kind of joke. Are you kidding me? I mean REALLY? Letâs start with your last statement: âI think heâs gotten the ultimate prize, and thatâs meâ. You have a very self-absorbed and egotistical opinion of yourself.
I only hope and pray that the counselor you both are seeing is being very frank about what needs work before you jump the broom later this summer. My question is: Is it working or penetrating? When you get married, there are many different changes. You take on new responsibilities as a couple. Compromise is the name of the game here. Please understand that the first 1-3 years of marriage can either make or break you. This is where the struggle for control and who is going to âwinâ takes place. There is no winning here. You will have to realize that marriage is not always 50/50, as some would have you to believe. It is sometimes 90/10, 60/40, and so on. You must have the other personâs back, plain and simple.
Everyday is not going to be difficult, but you must understand that both of you can determine very early in this marriage how you are going make things like chores work, how to fight fairly and giving respect to one another. So, bottom line: Yes you ARE stuck on yourself! You seem very spoiled and you have to take a serious look inwardly and be real about what you hope to achieve in this marriage. If you arenât careful, this marriage would be over before it has an opportunity to begin. Donât be selfish because he loves you, lavishes you with gifts and treats you like a queen. It doesnât give you the right to take advantage of him. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would speak up for you. However, you are wearing the glass shoes, the crown, and waving, all the while smirking at your good fortune. Remember happily ever after only exists in Fairy Tales. So a new book called âRealityâ is in order here.
Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152,
Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.
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