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Don’t compete. You’re worth much more

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Hey Rosie,

First off, I would like to congratulate you for the good job that you are doing and for the time that you are taking to help solve our problems. I am a weekly reader.

I am a 19-year-old girl and I am in a relationship with a guy who’s almost 2 years older than I.{{more}}

From the beginning of our relationship everything was going smoothly. I was happy and glad that I’d found him. I felt loved. When the new year began, things changed from good to bad. This is the problem. We haven’t seen each other in like two months, and it’s troubling me. Whenever I ask to see him, he’s making excuses, it’s like he’s more focused on his career than on me; that is, he wants to become an international footballer.

He also seems to rather spend time with his friends than with his girl. I appreciate him for hanging with his friends and trying to achieve his goal, but when it’s me time, it’s me time. We talk on the phone every day. But there’s one thing that’s troubling me..One night he made a statement that got me upset. He told me that there are other girls giving me competition. Rosie, one thing I’ve learnt is not to be some one else’s doormat and not to have some one take me as a fool. I felt so mad and hurt. I thought I was in a relationship, not a contest, where I have to compete against other girls. I felt so devastated. He’s such a nice guy and is willing to do anything for me, but with me competing with other girls, just for his love, I’d rather stand out and let them have him. But if he loves me as much as he says he does, he would know what to do. I am a LOVER not a FIGHTER. Please help me and tell me what to do, before I make a big mistake that I might regret later on in life.

Lover not a fighter

Dear Lover not a Fighter,

I am so proud of you! You are a very savy 19-year-old young woman with great insight (the inner voice). You said it all when you said,”one thing I’ve learnt, is not to be some one else’s doormat and not to have some one take me as a fool”. Do NOT be made a fool. Like you, I admire that your young man is very focused in what he wants to achieve for his future. However, I am not at all liking the fact that he’s been avoiding seeing you face to face for two months, choosing to hang out for extended periods with the fellas, and to top it off he’s trying to get you jealous by saying other girls are trying to give you competition? Did you sign up for a competition? Please!

Let’s break it down; you are very intelligent- check, you have a healthy sense of self (self-confidence)-check, I am sure you are very attractive – I will check that, with your own life, education and successful career ahead of you- check, check! You do NOT need this type of childish drama. Hold unto your resolve. If he wants to be a player in the field of chicks let him be. You need not try to compete because you are worth so much more. Trust me!

If in your opinion, you think that he is worth some of your time (I am trying not to roll my eyes here), then you can have a sit down and try to hash it out with him. But as soon as you get the vibe that something isn’t adding up, I would suggest wishing him all the best and moving on. You have so much to do, see and experience. You do not need to be running after anyone on or off the field in order to be treated with the respect and attention that you deserve. Move on, and good luck!


Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.