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A friend in need

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Hey Rosie,

I am a 16-year-old and I have a friend who thinks she is in love with a 28-year-old man. We both are in the fifth form, getting ready for CXC exams and all she talks about is this 28-year-old man.{{more}}

Her other friends and I try to talk to her, but she is stubborn and doesn’t listen. She doesn’t take our advice, she walks away when we tell her to stop seeing this man, and the part that hurts most is that this guy has different girls and she doesn’t even care.

Her mother doesn’t even know about this and sometimes my mind tells me to tell her mother, but I’m afraid that she would never talk to me again. I really want her to stop this nonsense and look at her future and be INDEPENDENT.

Rosie please help us, we don’t want to watch our friend fall in a ditch.

Very Worried

Dear Very Worried,

I understand that you are concerned for your friend/cousin. This is a very troubling letter, especially when you give the age difference between your friend and this grown man.  Basically, you are saying that she is caught up with a man who is 12 years her senior, a man who is very selfish and has poor judgment!

 At the moment, she is blinded with the supposed “glamour” of seeing an older guy…an old man if you ask me!  Ok so I digress, this is REALLY setting me off!  Why would any grown man go to a child and attempt to form an adult relationship is beyond me.  Look at it this way.  It is as if he can’t hold his own (this goes for women also, who may be doing the same thing) with their own age group.  So they seek to shine in the eyes of a minor.  This is an individual who needs to seek help, and do so quickly.

 Back to your friend.  She has exams coming up.  Very crucial ones at that. She needs to be focused and stay in the game.  She is creeping because her mother doesn’t know about her extra curricular activities.  She thinks that you all are just hating because he must be filling her head with penny thoughts and a couple also in her pocket.  So she thinks it’s love.  Please!  Then lastly, you want to tell her mother because you know this is not going to end well.  But you do not wish to be a snitch, right?  But I am here to tell you that you will have to follow your conscience, as difficult as that would be.

 You may feel as though you are throwing her under the bus, but let your conscience be your guide.  If not her mother, maybe an older, more approachable cousin.  If not a teacher who can have a private talk with her, maybe another grown up in whom you can trust.  Also be very careful about putting yourself in the middle of this complicated, yet dangerous relationship.  No need for you to get caught in this potentially sticky crossfire.  The bottom line is that you are right and she is wrong.  Be careful how you move forward, you can only give so much advice.  If someone is determined to do something then they must learn the hard way.  All the best going forward, also take and learn from this experience yourself.  This type of craziness is not for you or your other friends either.

Rosie 

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

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