What a predicament!

Hi Rosie,

I am a very educated young woman in her 30’s with a great career and a lovely baby son who is a little over a year old. After a very disappointing relationship with my son’s father we separated before his birth and decided that it would be better to be co-parents to our son than staying in a toxic relationship.{{more}}

When my son was about 6 months old I met another man, who I thought shared the same values as I did. He moved in to my house after a short period of time (3 months) and I started to notice some strange traits. The major one was that he was very upset that I made more money than he, had my MBA, and I also travel a lot for my job. In a word, he is jealous. I tried to reassure him about what place he had in my life and how much I appreciated him being a father figure in my son’s life, but this did nothing to ease his frustrations.

Now, he is moody. Extremely anti-social when my family and friends come by and now he is causing problems for my son’s father to come by to pick him up….he is very possessive. To top this all off I am now pregnant again for this man! I am joyful about the new life that I will welcome shortly, but I think I made a mistake with this guy. I just need a sounding board here Rosie, I know you will give it to me straight. It seems that my family and friends, though they are there for me, they are not saying much.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Undecided

Dear Undecided,

What a predicament you have put yourself in! I have to be honest here, but you are the one who is at fault here. No one else. You come across as a very intelligent and clear thinking young woman, but in this arena you seriously dropped the ball!

Why after just having a baby (a great blessing) and the failure of the relationship with the father would you so quickly jump back into another relationship? On top of that have him move into your home with your child before you even really know him? That was a poor choice on your part. You knew NOTHING about him, nothing! Why would you do that?

Now you are with him and living in the same space, you start to see the package unravel and it isn’t so pretty. In fact, if you had a receipt you would like to return it. But in your case there is a slight complication. You now are carrying his child. A life long connection, at least for another 18-21 years.

You have some big decisions to make in the near future. Do you want to have to hold this man’s hand and stroke his ego because he is intimidated by your hard work and success? Are you going to also explain to him that he can never come between your ex and his child because that is the way it is? Further more, are you going to start to change your behavior and make excuses for his bad attitude when he is around your circle of people? What kind of emotional support is this man giving you at this moment? You have a young baby who needs you and another that is on its way, so your health and well being take top priority. Finally, you have to perform at your job so you can keep a roof over your head. Seems like a lot to me. That is also why your family and friends aren’t saying much because they are just as confused.

Seek some counseling, someone who can help you with a plan and tools for your future. You have so much to look forward to and you have already accomplished so much. Do not compromise what you know isn’t right for you. Your children, family and true friends are your real blessings. Please take care of yourself and reach out for some professional help. Good luck with the new blessing that is coming your way, and be much more selective with regard to the people you let into your life.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.