Hey Rosie,

My best friend and I go way back since High School. We lost touch for a while when we went to college, but we now live in the same city and we are as tight as ever…or so I thought.{{more}}

We would go on vacations, to parties, family functions etc, and have a lot of the same friends except for co-workers. But when we go out she is more reserved and laid back, and I love to party and make new friends. I always try to include my friend in what I am doing, but sometimes she is not always open to joining in.

The other day a close friend told me that my best friend was complaining about me and calling me a party animal! She said that she was embarrassed when we went out and would mingle with new people and go to new places. Rosie, I was shocked and hurt! I couldn’t believe she said those things! Since then I have not been asking her out with me as much and I haven’t mentioned what I was told. She even mentioned that she noticed that I changed.

Rosie, should I tell her what I heard? I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to get my other friend in trouble. What should I do? I feel she is just jealous that I can make new friends easier than her. Please help!

Betrayed.

Dear Betrayed,

I understand how you feel, especially since you and your best friend go back for some time. One of the cool things about best friends is that opposite personalities attract and you can agree to disagree on certain things. This is what creates a wonderful balance in the relationship. Also making that person someone who will be honest with you in every situation, not just a “yes man” along for the ride.

The one person that bothers me the most is the “close friend” who told you that your best friend was complaining about you. Let me tell you, sometimes second hand information can be very shady! When I read your letter, my antennas went up in regards to the source. Could it be that this “close friend” is the true jealous party in this situation? Your being so close to the situation might not realize that this could be going on. She may be really jealous of the relationship between you and your best friend!

Personally, I feel if you really treasure your friendship with your best friend, you should sit her down one day and have a little chit chat. Ask her if there is anything about your friendship that she is not happy about, or anything that you may have done to offend her etc. You can approach her without revealing your source and also make sure that you are not angry either.

One of two things will happen; she would be very surprised about this conversation because there was no problem to begin with (so we are back to the “shady close friend”) or she may be very defensive and ask why you are asking her these questions (making you aware that there may be some truth to what you were told). Either way, it gives you and your friend a chance for open and clear communication. Establishing possible new rules about being honest with each other when something is troubling that person at that moment. Sometimes your friendships in this life could be one of the most meaningful and long lasting relationships you will ever have. Good luck, and do not be defensive in your approach. It can make your friendship mature and grow to a next level.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.