Understanding your emotions can change your life

Tue Feb 24, 2015

Different people define emotion in different ways. John D Mayer says, “Emotions operate on many levels. They have a physical aspect as well as a psychological aspect. Emotions form the bridge for thought, feeling, and action — they operate in every part of a person, they affect many aspects of a person, and the person affects many aspects of the emotions.”{{more}}

Our emotions control our thinking, behaviour and actions. Emotions affect our physical bodies as much as our body affects our feelings and thinking. Persons who ignore, dismiss, repress or just ventilate their emotions are setting themselves up for physical illness. Emotions that are not felt and released, but buried within the body can cause serious illness, including cancer, arthritis, and many types of chronic illnesses. Negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, negativity, frustration and depression, cause chemical reactions in your body that are very different from the chemicals released when you feel positive emotions such as being happy, content, loved, accepted.

The way in which we have been socialized and the belief system we have adopted have a powerful effect on our behaviour; what we believe acts as a filter for what we see, hear and feel; this then determines how we behave in our daily lives. For example, a child raised by angry parents will learn to view the world through eyes of anger and hostility. This child is then likely to grow up either believing aggression is the norm or being very fearful.

Another example would be someone who is quite intelligent, but who has never been encouraged or honoured for his/her intelligence; this person might believe he/she is stupid. Children who have never been told how much they are loved by their family members may grow up feeling as if they have no value and they are not appreciated.

It is therefore quite important that we all take a look at ourselves and examine those beliefs we hold to, which may affecting our lives in a negative manner. Knowing your beliefs will give you a sound basis for emotional freedom. The only person who can change what you feel is you. A new relationship, a new house, a new car, a new job, these things can momentarily distract you from your feelings, but no other person, no material possession, no activity can remove, release, or change how you feel.

How often do you hear people say things like “when I have enough money, I would be happier,” only to find there never seems to be enough money that can make them happy. Or “when I’m in a secure relationship I won’t feel lonely any more,” and finding they are still lonely, regardless of their relationship. We need to understand that we take our feelings with us wherever we go. New clothes, a new house, a new job, none of these things change how we feel; our feelings remain within us until we release them.

There are only two basic emotions that we all experience: love and fear. All other emotions are variations of these two emotions. Thoughts and behaviour come from either a place of love, or a place of fear. Anxiety, anger, control, sadness, depression, inadequacy, confusion, hurt, loneliness, guilt, shame, these are all fear-based emotions. Emotions such as joy, happiness, caring, trust, compassion, truth, contentment and satisfaction are love-based emotions.

There are varying degrees of intensity of both types of emotions, some being mild, others moderate, and others strong in intensity. For example, anger in a mild form can be felt as disgust or dismay; at a moderate level it can be felt as offence or exasperation; and at an intense level it can be felt as rage or hate. And the emotion that always underpins anger is fear.

To be continued next week.

Dr Jozelle Miller

Health Psychologist/Wellness Consultant