Life Coach Adams (LCA): Hi. How are you today?
Loyal Sister (LS): Hi Life Coach. Iâm fine.
LCA: Good. How can I be of help?
LS: A certain troubling event has brought me here.
LCA: You are here because you have a problem.
LS: Yes.
LCA: Okay. Please go ahead.
LS: My older brother has the habit of peeing on the side of the street, like many men. I find the habit disgusting and have often told him to stop, but he ignored me, so Iâve let him be.
LCA: It is upsetting to you when your brother urinates on the road.
LS: Yes, but not only that; recently an incident occurred that has me puzzled.{{more}}
LCA: Yes. Go on.
LS: My best friend visited me the other day, like she always does and we were inside watching TV. Someone called her cell phone and she stepped outside to take the call. Next thing I know she ran back inside frantically, saying that my brother was shaking his penis at her.
LCA: So, your friend was shocked at seeing your brotherâs genitals.
LS: Yes. And thatâs not the worst part. She immediately called her mom, who rushed over and she also told my mom, who was busy in the back. Now her mother wants to press charges.
LCA: So, you are concerned that your brother might be jailed.
LS: Iâm more than concerned; Iâm scared.
LCA: How old is your brother?
LS: He is 19, and my friend and I are 16.
LCA: What did your brother have to say about all this?
LS: My brother said he was peeing in the gutter and had no idea that she was there. When he turned around he saw her. According to my friend, he saw her on the steps looking in his direction and he took his penis out and shook it at her. I donât know who to believe.
LCA: So, this is puzzling.
LS: For sure. Why is my brother in the habit of peeing outdoors? He could wait until he gets inside a building. Also, why would my friend tell a lie on him?
LCA: If your brother exposed his penis to your friend, then he may be suffering from a sexual disorder known as âexhibitionism,â which involves exposing oneâs genitals to a stranger. This is so, especially if it has been going on for over six months and if it is occurring in multiple situations with different persons.
LS: Okay. I also see a lot of men peeing on the road. Are they in the same position?
LCA: Urinating on the road is a bit different from exhibitionism. If a man urinates on the road, he is relieving himself of urine inappropriately and someone may see his genitals indirectly from a distance. This may be a cultural practice that is either accepted or tolerated by at least the minority. On the other hand, in exhibitionism, a male (or female) shows his genitals deliberately and directly to a woman with the hope of either shocking her or arousing her sexual interest.
LS: So, is it that serious that my friendâs mother has to seek legal action?
LCA: A person can be charged for indecent exposure which is intentionally showing oneâs sexual organs in public and be fined or spend time in jail. For a second offence, they could spend time in prison. So, if your brother did this, it was fairly serious. However, since it was a first-time incident with your friend, he is young, and there was no direct contact, maybe your mother or a third party such as a pastor could talk to your friendâs mother about giving him a chance. If that does not work, then getting a lawyer may be important.
LS: So, what is causing my brother to do this?
LCA: The real cause of exhibitionism is unknown, but some factors that contribute to this disorder include: dysfunctional family systems, emotional abuse, sexual molestation involving exhibitionism, and very high levels of testosterone (male hormone).
LS: How can we get my brother to stop?
LCA: If your brother is involved in exhibitionism, then he needs to see a
psychotherapist soon, so that they can work together to find the root of the problem. In addition, he needs to do the following:
1. Always use the bathroom to empty his bladder before he goes on the road or in the yard.
2. Use a public bathroom if he has to use one on the road and cease from exposing his genitals outdoors.
3. Your mother should write a contract in which he agrees to stop urinating outdoors and let him read, agree to it, and sign it in her presence.
4. Write a written formal apology to your friend for urinating outside and unknowingly exposing his genitals to her and informing that he would no longer urinate in public.
5. Use a third party or lawyer to appeal to your friendâs mother to not proceed with legal action.
6. You should meet with your friend elsewhere if your relationship continues; do not invite her to your home.
LS: Okay, Life Coach. I understand what to do now. Thanks so much.
LCA: All the best. I hope everything works out for your brother.
Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACIIâs Life Coach, Dr Adams, a licensed clinical psychologist. Please note that all correspondence to the Life Coach is confidential and the cases presented are modified in order to maintain the anonymity of each writer. Dynamic Action Centre International Inc (DYNACII) is a non-governmental organization, committed to social and spiritual empowerment. For more information on DYNACII please visit: http://www.dynacii.com
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