My 16-year-old son is addicted to the Internet

Dear Life Coach,

I am having problems with my 16-year-old son and the Internet; he wants to do nothing but watch movies, play computer games or surf the Internet. As a result, he has not been cleaning his room, taking out the garbage or assisting with chores around the yard. When I tell him to come off the computer (after several hours) he becomes furious, storms out of the house, or threatens to go to his friend’s house where he can do the same without anyone interrupting him. He hastily does his homework and that’s about it.{{more}} Once he is finished, he demands to go on the computer. Connecting with his friends, doing sports or other recreation, or spending time with his younger siblings do not matter anymore. Neither does reading and drawing which he has always loved. I am worried, because I know that the Internet (which has television, video games, chat rooms etc.) is potentially dangerous, since teenagers can be exposed to violence, pornography, death, the occult and unscrupulous persons.

Worried Sick (WS)

Dear WS,

In this age of technological advancement, you have every right to be concerned about your teenager’s overexposure on the Internet.

Your Situation:

A number of factors are at work here: developmental stage, potential computer addiction, recreation, limiting computer/Internet use, among others. These I will address briefly.

Developmental Stage

Your son is in the adolescent stage of development and, as such, peer acceptance, heterosexual relationships, educational pursuits and, or skills, training are important developmental tasks, as well as developing an identity (that is, who he wants to become – good person/bad person, lawyer, doctor, etc).

Potential Internet Addiction

Over the past decade and a half there has been much controversy about whether Internet use is addictive; some psychologists believe that Internet addiction is now an accepted disorder, while others believe that more rigorous studies are needed in order to determine whether this is a real disorder.

Internet addiction may be defined as the compulsive overuse of the internet, which results in irritability or moodiness when the individual is unable to use it.

What to Do:

Talk with Your Teen

Explain to your son that in order for him to develop in a healthy manner there are certain things that he needs to be doing. These include: Academic Work (academic work that supplements his school work so that he will be ready for his CXC examination); Physical Activities (his body is growing and by being involved in regular exercise or sports, he will keep his body toned and flexible and help reduce the stress that young people often experience); Social Interaction (by communicating with peers of both genders, he will develop interpersonal skills, which is important for success both in the workplace and in selecting a life partner later on); Chores (by doing chores he learns to share the responsibilities of home life and caring for his family and his environment); Reading (increases his knowledge and intelligence — daily adaptive functioning — about the world). Explain that his developmental tasks are being hampered by the excessive use of the computer/Internet.

Limit Computer Use

Explain to your son that he needs to complete all his assigned activities each evening (based on a schedule you have developed) before he is allowed on the computer. He will have a maximum of two hours on the computer each week day, and 4 hours on week-ends, also after homework, chores, and extracurricular activities.

Gradual Reduction of Computer Use

Since your son was on the Internet ‘twenty-four seven’, do a gradual reduction of computer use; so, if he is spending eight hours each evening, reduce his time by one hour each day over the next week until you get to two hours per week day. Set a timer so he will know when it is time to quit his computer use. If he refuses to comply, lock the computer with a password.

Handle Triggers of Internet/Computer Overuse

Teenagers need to be constructively occupied at all times (e.g. games, chores, homework etc). They become bored, lonely and sad easily, and many teens seek refuge in their Iphones, Ipads, computers, or the Internet because it provides an ongoing source of stimulation (movies, games, music etc.) and it can keep them occupied and absorbed for hours without them realizing it. Teenagers who have poor social skills or low self esteem may also take refuge in Internet chat rooms or virtual worlds, because they can take on an imaginary character and not have to worry about relating to others in the real world. Therefore, parents must be vigilant and protect their teenagers in this area, since there is some chance that teenagers may potentially develop compulsive use of the computer/Internet or be negatively exposed or influenced.

Monitor Internet Activity

Block unwholesome sites, download apps that can let you view what you child is watching. Place computer in a general area e.g. living room, kitchen, study etc and not in your teen’s bedroom.

Stand Strong

Your teen is likely to resist strongly; be firm, yet gentle and do not give in. Enlist the support of your spouse or other adults in the neighborhood.

WS, your teen really needs your guidance and your strength in this area, so please stand strong.

Life Coach

DYNACII

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.