My Neighbour is Suicidal

Dear Life Coach,

My 40-year-old neighbour has lived next door to me all my life. As a girl, I remember always peeping through the fence, looking at a sad little boy whom I wanted to befriend, but who did not want to talk to me or anyone else. I felt sorry for him because I always heard his father abusing him, both physically and verbally, because his mother had left for overseas to visit relatives and never looked back. As teenagers, he talked to me a bit, but still kept his distance.{{more}} Since his father died a few years ago, he has had several live-in girlfriends, but each arrangement has been short-lived. Over the past six months, there was another woman living with him, but she left him two weeks ago. He seemed fine last week, but this week I noticed that he was back to his sad self. I decided to keep an eye on him. Two days ago he was in, but I noticed that there was no movement in or out; usually he was out in the yard doing something. In the evening I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I peeped in the window and saw him on the floor. He was motionless. I forced the door, and eventually got in. He had taken a full bottle of medicine. I called my doctor immediately and asked what would happen. I was told that the medicine would cause some discomfort, but that it was not life threatening. I was relieved. I spoke with my neighbour who told me that he did not want to live anymore and swore me to secrecy. I have been visiting him and he talks to me more, but I am terrified. What if he does something more serious to himself when I am not around or that I can’t help him with? Am I doing something wrong by not telling?

Terrified Neighbour (TN)

Dear TN,

I am glad that you were there for your neighbour in his time of need.

Your Situation:

A number of factors are at work here: suicidal ideation, parasuicide, child abuse, developmental tasks, depression, lack of social support, among others. These I will address briefly.

Suicidal Ideation/Parasuicide

Suicidal ideation refers to thoughts of dying or harming oneself so that one will no longer be alive. Parasuicide is when someone makes an unsuccessful attempt to end his or her own life. Suicide is the act of taking one’s life. It is a behaviour that, for the individual, provides the solution to a problem.

Physical and Emotional Child Abuse

Physical Child Abuse occurs when a child is at risk of or experiences injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm; e.g. a parent or caregiver hitting a child. Emotional Child Abuse occurs when a child is subjected to or exposed to behaviour that may result in psychological trauma (e.g. depression), such as a parent/caregiver causing a child to feel worthless.

Developmental Tasks

Your neighbour is in the middle adulthood stage of his development (ages 40 to 60 years). Your neighbour has not been able to resolve the psychosocial crises of intimacy and generativity for early and middle adulthood respectively, as well as the developmental tasks of these stages, which are important for one’s mental health during midlife. For more on this, see: http://www.dynacii.blogspot.com

Depression

A depressed person experiences feelings of unhappiness, demoralization, guilt, self-degradation, boredom, reduced or excess appetite, lethargy, and loses the pleasure of living.

Lack of Social Support

Social support is the close positive relationship with others (e.g. family and friends) which is a buffer or antidote for stress. People with close, supportive relationships tend to be happy, hardy, optimistic, and healthy.

What to Do:

Always take a Suicidal Attempt Seriously

A suicidal attempt is a person’s cry for help. Most people do not really want to die. They feel hopeless and need help. No one knows when an individual will commit that fatal act. Get help for the individual since s/he is irrational at that point and cannot make a decision for life. For information see: http://www.dynacii.blogspot.com

When there is a Suicidal Attempt, Get Help!

Call the police or call a friend to help. Get that person hospitalized for assessment and supervision around the clock until the crisis has passed. There is no confidentiality involved. Once there is a serious risk involved, get him the help he needs, although he may be refusing it.

Encourage Him to Talk/Seek Counselling

Child abuse often results in depression and or suicidal ideation/attempts. Talking to a counsellor can prove to be very helpful. If your neighbour cannot afford a counsellor or is unwilling to see one, you could encourage him to talk about his feelings. That will help to reduce the emotional pressure to some degree. Men often find it difficult to talk about their feelings, but with encouragement, you may be able to get him to share.

Befriending/Supporting your Neighbour

You have always wanted to be a friend to your neighbour. Now that he has opened up to you a bit, he may be ready to allow you into his life. Maybe over time you could invite him to social events and help him to develop his own social network.

WN, suicide is tricky; you never know when it will happen. With your friendship, it is my prayer that your neighbour will begin to see a purpose for living.

Life Coach

DYNACII

Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.