I Can’t Sleep

Dear Life Coach,

I am a 45-year-old mother of 3 who works from home. I make clothing for children during the week and sell them on the street on weekends. For the past six months, I have been unable to sleep. Whenever I go to bed, I literally toss and turn all night and am unable to sleep. Usually I dose off between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. when I have to get my 3 children off to school (ages 10, 8 and 6). I am so exhausted that sometimes I feel sick.{{more}} My children’s father left us 5 years ago and recently I was told that he is in the U.S.

What I earn is barely able to take care of our weekly needs and I am worried, not so much for myself ,but for my children. I don’t want any other man in my life because they are too much problem. I am tired of so much hard work and so very little money. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it together, but I have to because of my children. Thanks so much.

Exhausted Mother (EM)

Dear EM,

Sleep is so vital to our health and vitality. I hope you get your Zzzzz back.

Your Situation:

Several factors are at work here: insomnia, stress, financial problems, single parenting, lack of social support, among others. I will address these briefly.

Insomnia

Insomnia is the inability to obtain a satisfactory amount of sleep for a period of at least one month. This may be due to emotional, environmental and or physiological problems.

Stress

Stress is an internal, psychological or physiological response to a stressor. We experience stress whenever we are faced with demands or opportunities that require us to change in some manner. See more at: http://www.dynacii.blogspot.com

It is clear that as a single mother you are under a lot of stress: parenting 3 children, being a breadwinner and playing the role of two parents and you are not using a social support system.

Financial Problems

As a self-employed single mother, you have not been able to earn enough to support your family and this has increased your stress.

Single Parenting

As a single parent you are more exposed to stress from: lower income; a sense of less control over your life; less social support; less emotional support and physical assistance in the household; and traumatic events which lead to the new single family lifestyle.

Lack of Social Support

As a single parent you have taken on the role of two persons, which has reduced your time for recreation and socializing. This in turn has increased your stress level.

What to Do

Reduce Stress

You are highly stressed and your mind and body is in a state of arousal. Reduce stress by doing the following:

Set Work Hours. Maintain 8-hour work days; 40 hour work weeks. Avoid working round the clock. This will help your mind and body to recuperate daily and on weekends.

Take Breaks. Take a 10 minute break after every hour. Leave your work station, stretch, move around, and then return to work. Also take at least a 45-minute lunch break daily. Avoid eating at your work station; do something different during your lunch period (e.g. take a walk).

Physical Exercise. Participate in physical activities (e.g. walking, dancing, etc.) for at least a half an hour, 3 times each week. The children can also participate in these activities.

Recreational Activities. Spend time with friends and family each week; go shopping, make a trip to the beach, invite someone to your house. Socializing with others refreshes both the mind and the spirit.

Meditation/Relaxation. Choose a quiet time and place. Sit on the floor with your legs crossed and your hands on your lap. Close your eyes and think about something pleasant (e.g. a happy day at the beach), or breathe in and out focusing on your breath, or count from 1 to 100 (repeating several times). Doing this each day just before bedtime will help to calm you down and prepare your mind and body for sleeping.

Normalize Your Bedtime

Ensure that you do the following daily: 1. Go to bed at a set time. 2. Get 8 hours of sleep. 3. Use your bed for sleeping only; not for work. 4. Your bedroom is dark and cool.

Develop/Increase Your Social Support Network

Family of Origin. You could get the family that raised you to become involved in childcare, (while you go for a walk or meet with friends), as well as with certain aspects of your work.

Extended Social Network. Develop a social network with other single mothers or other female friends. You could take turns babysitting with these women or hang out together for an evening of fun.

Physical Examination

If the problem persists it may be important to rule out sleep apnea or other medical concerns by visiting your doctor.

Address Emotional Issues

Talk with a trustworthy friend, journal (keep your journal in a private place), or speak with a counselor about issues that are on your mind.

Seek Employment/ Financial Assistance

Consider finding a full time job or supplementing your income with part-time employment. Also speak with the social welfare department to see whether you qualify for assistance.

EM, here’s hoping that you will be able to unwind and get some rest.

Life Coach

DYNACII

l Need help with relationship and other problems? Ask DYNACII’s Life Coach. Email your questions to dynacii@gmail.com. To Chat with the Life Coach, visit: http://www.dynacinternational.com. Dynamic Action Center International Inc. (DYNACII) a non-governmental organization committed to social and spiritual empowerment.