The essence of fatherhood

WHEN YOU HEAR the word, “father,” what images come to mind? What about the word, “daddy?”

Depending on what type of father you had growing up, these words can elicit very positive or very negative memories. Some children grow up with fathers who are actively and positively involved in their lives.

These fathers love their children, spend time with them, praise them, play with them, protect them, teach them, and help them deal with the struggles of life. On the other hand, some children grow up with fathers who are very uninvolved. Their actions do not convey love.They spend minimal amounts of time with their children; they do not encourage them, and they provide very little guidance.

So, what is the essence of fatherhood? Is it simply the establishment of biological paternity? Do fathers simply provide a pay check? Or does fatherhood encompass much more? Perhaps the more pertinent question is this: What constitutes responsible fatherhood? Responsible fatherhood cannot be proven with a blood test, nor does it consist of simply providing a pay check. Responsible fatherhood cannot be reduced to a single dimension. It involves commitment, self-sacrifice, integrity, and unconditional love. Responsible fathers are concerned with the well-being of their children, and their desire is to see their children succeed in all areas of life.

Qualities of a Good father:

1. Dependability

Being there through thick and thin. This is not just being present and correct.

It’s about being consistently available for your kids through good times and bad.

2. Involvement

Being personally engaged in your child’s life, interests, hopes and dreams on a daily basis. Being curious and attentive requires you to put your distractions to one side.

3. Compassion

Showing compassion, hope and belief when your child needs it most. Compassion is a state of mind or attitude that really helps us to feel connected and close to the human experience of being a child.

4.Valuing of mother

Showing respect and love of your child’s mother. This isn’t about just always agreeing with mum! Valuing is similar to validating your partner for who they are with all their imperfections. Showing love and respect requires action, not just thoughts, and teaches your sons and daughters how to be treated.

5. Empathy

Listening empathically in order to be understanding, present and engaged. Putting yourselves into the shoes of others enables them to feel heard, respected and valued.

Even if you don’t completely get it, or even like it!

6. Being verbally expressive

To clearly communicate, uphold guidelines, being tough, yet fair, without belittling or being controlling.

7. Being human

To own mistakes, be open to feedback, and teach that growth is a lifelong endeavour. So, dad, know that you will get it wrong, sometimes! I reckon teaching your kids to be human, (mistakes happen, but it is how you pick yourself up after makes the significant difference) means you must show your own humanity, as often as possible.

8. Honesty

Teach and live by the values of honesty and integrity.

9. Playfulness

Showing delight in your children through fun and play. The benefits of dads playing has been researched, particularly the rough and tumble play and it teaches your children to regulate their feelings and accept limits and boundaries.

10. Being industrious

Model a healthy work ethic as a source of personal accomplishment and satisfaction. This isn’t necessarily associated only with work; it’s a valuable attitude toward life tasks in general. We will conclude this column in the next midweek edition.