Dear Pastor,

I am writing this letter on behalf of a colleague of mine who is having a serious problem. Pastor, she was in a relationship with this guy for a couple years and then she got pregnant for him. After she made the baby her boyfriend left her and went away. {{more}}The problem is that now she does not want to give anybody a chance in her life. Right now a real nice guy is trying real hard to win her over but she just doesn’t want to trust anyone in her life.

Pastor, she is a real nice girl and I am always talking to her but she is set in her ways. She believes all men are the same and I am worried that she is not giving herself a chance to be happy again.

Worried for a Friend.

Dear Worried for a Friend,

Until you have been hurt in your life it is really hard to fully understand what someone like your friend is going through. More than likely she feels that the carpet of trust and security has been yanked from under her and it isn’t easy to see past the hurt.

But I could see your concern, I think your friend needs to see her tough experience as just that, an experience she went through and realizes that her life still exists. I will not encourage her to rush into a rebound relationship because she may only create a dependency syndrome which is unhealthy for a relationship. She is also right for treading cautiously; the old saying “once bitten twice shy” may not be a bad philosophy to adopt. She, however, must bring herself to the place of meeting new people and if there is someone she might be interested in, take it slow.

Obviously discussions of her previous relationship will come up in due course and any man worth his salt will accept the fact that he will have to work harder to win her trust and make her relax. This in itself could be good because it takes a “real” man to accept this challenge and if she is worth it in his eyes he will.

You friend will be all right; it is only going to take a strong, purposeful, focused man to sweep her off her feet, and her “baby daddy drama” will then seem like ancient history.