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Dis, dat or de udder!

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When is not one ting is de udder wid COVID-19 Pan-dem-ache. When Grin-Ada said: “shut de doors and put on yuh mask,” Sin-Vin-Sin said: “ Shut doors foh what? And nobody come round me wearing no mask!” So opposed dey were to each other, dey almost got into ah “Village Dog fight” Seems like Grin-Ada had even shut down too late or somebody left ah Back door open, Far-rain-us slipped into de country, and de number of COVID-19 cases climbed, making “Shut-Down” look like joke.

Meanwhile Sin-Vin-Sin was looking good up to March 2020, when Patient Zero returned from de Mother Country, walked thru opened doors and delivered our first COVID-19 Case. In April, two weeks later, our numbers spread to 7. We put off Carnival which helped, but we allowed de Elect-shun and de Christmas Festivities, and come January, is like all doors, windows, louvres remained open foh COVID-19 to spike. To date, we have had over 1, 200 positive cases.

So is now time to Pan-Ache! An SOS call is out foh de Aunty Virus. But we small states can’t pay foh Vaccine. Ley me switch Pro-nouns like de minister, ‘Us’ are ah poor Nay-Shun! Us export very lickle. Us have no Bananas and Us have no Our-Root!” Every lickle poor- wrathed country begging foh de Vaccine. We have no choice, not when Can-Ada, de UK and de US dealing wid their citizens first. So by miraculous or Divine coincidence, we getting vaccine from, of all countries, Rush-Her, Sorry! Russia, de country about whose pull-it-to-kill system, we have had endless Negative things to say. Which reminds me of ah story dat ah devilish lad would pass the house of an ole Lady everyday and hear her pray “Father God, send me some bread.” One morning, he pelt ah bag ah stale bread through her window. It hit the ole lady so hard, she grab it up “Thank yuh Jesus, you even get de devil to deliver it!” So hopefully de Rush-on Sputnik vaccine will help us thru de Pan-dem-ache, but we need to take more preventative and proactive measures. We not even playing catch-up!

As ah say, when is not one ting is de other wid COVID-19 Pan-dem-ache. While we in SVG should be sending “Thank you, Mr Putin” messages to Rush-her, we bickering and questioning and rightly so, about de safety of de Rush-on Sputnik Vaccine. Lie-Za say she happy de PM, who initially had his hang-ups wid de COVID-19 health protocols, has decided to lead de way and tek de Come-an-ace Vaccine. She over-stand dat Dr Fry-dey was invited to join de PM to take de Rush-on Vaccine, but de ever cautious Fry-dey opted to wait and see. She loves her mischief by saying dat Fry-dey rightly trusts no one, if was ah Can-Ada vaccine, she certain he would ah tek it first word.

Now she wants to know if ah will tek de vaccine. Ah told her dat growing up as ah child ah would have had my full bouts of Viruses. Ah still have ah scar de size of ah 25 cents on my left-arm from ah Vaccine dat was given to me as ah baby, probably when ah had Measles, but de vaccine did not kill me. Back den dey said if someone had Measles once, dey would become immune; dat ah know about. Ah had nuff ah de twins, Fever and Flu, never one widout de other. Dey was Typhoid and Malaria Fever; doh remember having any ah those. Dey are three Poxes: Small, Glass and Chicken, ah believe ah might have had all three. At Grammar School we were vaccinated foh TB and Polio; Foh me dat worked. One morning ah woke up wid me jaw looking fat and round, somebody said, “Boy yuh got Mumps!” What ah remember though, wass dat all ah dem viruses came wid either ah fever, sore throat and or ah cold, very much like COVID-19. Except dat in my youth-man days, we didn’t have vaccine foh everything like today, but wid improved Science and Tek-knowledgee, we have come ah long way. Luckily my Grand-father was like ah Bush Doctor. “Bush was either bitter, acidic or sweet; bush opened de appetite mek yuh able to eat!” Stay safe, doh be fooled, do yuh own Lock Down. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.
One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.