De two-storey out-house

camp site in de forest, standing among the tall trees is dis simple but striking piece ah architecture; ah two storey, wooden toilet wid 2 ft by 4 ft dimension, standing about twelve feet up; there is ah steep, gable roof like ah church, de roof covered wid timber shingle.

Now to get up to de first floor, yuh got to climb up ah timber step-ladder, dat rests on ah lickle uncovered wooden balcony that looks like ah shelf. So why all de details and what’s so “Funny” about this “Two Storey Out-House”?

Just de signs on both doors. yuh might be thinking “Female” below and “Male” above; Lie-Za say’s if it’s about gendah, den it should be de opposite, “Males” below and “Woman” pon top, like in real life. Well, we are all wrong, the sign on de ground floor door is “Voters” and on the door upstairs is written big and bold “Politicians”! What can I say?

Someone who forwarded de e-mail left ah comment: “ I can’t even think of anything to add to this, words fail me! This picture is worth 10, 000 of them”. Ah ask Lie-Za if she wants to add ah comment or words fail her too. “Not at all” she said, adding dat she want to put ah sign on top de roof ah de ‘two storey out-house’: “ Well-come to SVG”.

EIGHT TRIPS IN TEN YEARS

Yes it was “well-come to Tie-One” last Choose-dey during President Ma’s address to Prime Minister Pa-Pa of SVG. Ah believe Mr. Ma had water in he mouth when he told guests dat Mr. Papa was one ah Tie-One’s great fren and it was Mr. Papa’s eighth visit to Taiwan. Not bad at all, considering dah Sir James was renamed de national bird by ULP foh his many trips abroad.

Not bad at all, considering 30 years ago, de late Milton Cato, Prime Minister ah SVG was pronounced “negative” and “back-word” by PM Papa, when Cato engaged diplomatic links wid Tie-One.

Eight trips to Tie-One! dat is half way round de world? Bequia is nine miles away, ask de PM how many times he went to Bequia or Union Island during de ten years since he in office. All dat was good talks back den, because de PM was wid de Voters in de downstairs ah de “Two-storey Out-house”. Lie-Za looking up wicked-pee-dah to find out de many possible face ah person could have, starting wid ah Beer Face! ah Bear Face! ah Bare Face! or ah Bier Face!

Look how badly dey handle dem Fish Vendors, call dat Two Storey Out-house treatment.

AH WANT SOME COCOA PLANTS Ah wish to second Ken John’s motion dat Jomo Thomas is de best ah de Pull-it-tek-all Commentators on de scene today. He’s not afraid ah controversy, he got ah wealth ah info in his data-base; and ah would say like Ken, Jomo is constructive, ah prefer dat word dan Progressive as in today’s context. Ah see too many ah de so-called Progressives Rise and Fall! “Rise” when dey in de downstairs ah de Shi-thouse and “Fall” like ripe breadfruit, when de move upstairs in de Two-storey Out-house, man dey tun round and de too-too pon we! As usual Jomo was strong last week on Cocoa. He views his business globally and is sending out warning signs foh would be cocoa farmers. Relying on Jomo’s stats, we will never be ah force wid which to reckon in de production ah Cocoa on de world market, single or to-gather, dat goes foh any crop we can produce. Be dat as it may, ah will suggest we all plant ah few Cocoa trees round de house, and ah begging those of us wid more land, plant ah few more trees. Ley we nah get too excited wid dis Ah-Ma-Ja-Ra fellah. Ah don’t know what his plans are so ah can’t comment, except to say we must learn from de mistakes dat we made in we past His-story.

Remember Bananas and ah man name Van Geest, his counterparts Chic-eater and Dole in Latin America? Dey money-pull-eyes de market, dey fix prices, dey demand quality, our poor farmers wuk dey soul-case out, trying to meet dey demands, and today after fifty years, all dem ole farmers who toiled in de hills, planting and harvesting Bananas, dey have nothing to show, no bone-us, no pension, no gratuity after fifty years.

We can’t afford to mek dah same mistake ah second time. My ting is if we could produce just enough Cocoa foh local consumption, we would be well on de road to self sufficiency. I believe dat very soon, de demand foh Cocoa and its bye-products will greatly exceed de supply, if not already. Cocoa and Coconuts are de two leading natural health foods today, and ah will like to add Farine and Our-root.

What’s happening to dem two crops? What ah ULP Guv-ah-mint dat promised to do so much wid our Agriculture, dey had de answer to Bananas, dey brought ah new technology to Arrowroot and Cassava. Dem fellars upstairs in dat Two-storey Out-house too-too-in pon we bad! But mark my word, Tie-One will show us how to produce all ah dat, not here in SVG, back in Tie-One!

Ah went to two Agriculture Stations looking foh plants, Mango, Cocoa and Citrus, dey didn’t have ah plant to sell. Ah see seedlings in de pots, drying foh want ah plant food. Dey ministry is not providing any nutrients, de plain truth is, dey’s no money in de ministry available to buy what’s needed. But dey’s money to fly half way round de world to Tie-One and den three quarter back to England foh de Colonialist wedding!

IS Ah got to go look foh de Electoral Officer, Mrs. Findlay Scrubb, my dear fren, to find out if she studying Numerology. Interestingly she came up wid ah new voter’s list wid 17 less voters.

De proposed Constitution dah was rejected had provisions for 17 constituencies and Julie-Ann did say how only 17 See-we-Anns voted foh him. Ah believe is seventeen hundred less voters. And finally, de re-employment ah the three teachers and de Dispenser who were NDP candidates in de last elections, is long overdue. Ah still hearing de cries ah dem fellars wife and lickle children. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.



One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.