Still in love with my first boyfriend

Hey Rosie,

It has been difficult for me for the past ten years. You see, I married my husband to get revenge on my first boyfriend. At the time, my ex-boyfriend felt that he was too young to be in a committed relationship. I wanted to prove to him that I could have a happy life without him, but I was fooling myself. I never got over him, and I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I have recurring dreams about him over the years. When I am intimate with my husband, I think about him. I must admit that I am still in love with him.{{more}}

In the past two years, my ex-boyfriend and I got involved in a “virtual relationship”, where we chat online. We have not met face-to-face, although we have tried. We made plans on numerous occasions but they did not work out. Sometimes I think God is playing a part in it.

My ex is presently in a committed relationship, which I know he would not give up for me. I have my marriage and children, but yet the yearning to be with him is overwhelming.

Many times I tried to distance myself from him, to get rid of the feelings and not being a pest. I won’t go online, and if I am there, I appear offline, but am just lured back to him. I can’t resist not communicating with him. I think about him everyday, and when I go out or travel, I look for him in everyone. Someone always reminds me of him, the way he walks, talks or laughs.

I know what society expects of me, a married woman. But how can something be so wrong yet feel good? How can I overcome these feelings? Are they LOVE or LUST?

Forbidden Love

Dear Forbidden Love,

I feel bad for you. I will tell you why. You have allowed yourself to be “trapped” in this fantasy world of your past. This man is your ex-boyfriend, and your motivation to marry your present husband was a TERRIBLE choice! Under no circumstances do you marry someone to “show” someone else that you can do better than them. You have crippled your marriage from day one, and now you are reaping what you have sowed.

Don’t you think that you are worth more than that? Come on, ten years have passed! You have a husband, children and unique experiences that make your family unit yours. Why are you looking back? You never gave yourself the opportunity to freely love and embrace the relationship that you are in now. Therefore, you and your husband are experiencing some infidelity issues as well. Did you ever think that your present husband felt that he was the second runner up in your love life? You may think he doesn’t know, but you may be wrong about that as well.

The bottom line is: Free yourself from this baggage. The whole thing! His laugh, his walk, his look and your memories (STUPES! Sometimes it isn’t as accurate as you remember either!). You yourself said that he would not be willing to leave his current relationship for you. He also is loving this attention because you are stroking his ego every step of the way. He is playing with you! He has no respect for you! Stop it! You are a grown woman and know better.

I don’t care about what society thinks, please know that YOU are worth much more than this ultimate roll in the sack! Find a respected confidant i.e. counselor, pastor etc. and seek out your true self. There are some real questions that you must face for the future. Who am I? Who do I want to be for myself first and then my family? Finally, when is enough enough? It may be a difficult tunnel to navigate, but once you go through it, you will come out on the other side much brighter and lighter! God bless in your quest for the true you. Oh and it is all LUST! The grass is not greener on the other side! Tend to your own lawn at your house!

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.

Rosie